How to Date a Mormon Girl

Co-authored by JT Tran

Last Updated: September 8, 2022 References

Dating a girl from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS, or Mormon) can be a great relationship. That being said, there are some facets of the religion that you should be aware of that will influence how she approaches both you and the relationship. If you are willing to understand and accept these, whether or not you are a Mormon, you can have a fun time dating Mormon girls.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Dating as a Mormon

1
Make sure you are 16. According to the teachings of the Church, Mormon youth should not date before the age of 16. This is more of a custom than a hard rule, but it is a good standard to follow, as you will probably not be mature enough to effectively handle that kind of personal relationship before then.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Even after this, the Church discourages youth from entering serious relationships before they are considering marriage.
2
Think about what you want in a relationship. While the Church allows dating at 16, it discourages serious relationships until you both are older and considering marriage. Before that, you are encouraged to date, but not exclusively. This isn’t a hard rule, but it will influence the way both of you approach the relationship. Having similar expectations about the relationship’s possibilities will make your time together more meaningful and fun.
- The right age for marriage depends on whether you're a man or a woman. Men can marry after completing their mission trip—in their early 20s at the earliest. Women can marry after graduating high school.
- You can still date even if you're not looking for a partner. Dating can help you learn what you value in other people. It can also be the basis for forming important friendships and learning important social skills.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
Advertisement
3
Be a good influence. The Church encourages you to use dating as an opportunity to show your respect not just for others, but for yourself. Dress nicely, as the girl will appreciate the effort put into looking good for her, and encourage her to do the same.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Wearing nice clothes shouldn't be your only focus. Take good care of your hygiene as well.
- Be courteous and polite. Treat others with kindness and respect.
4
Keep the relationship casual. If you are not old enough to consider marriage, you should be careful about having a serious, exclusive relationship. Even if you are looking towards marriage, it can be better to hold off on more serious activities until a couple of dates to make sure you both feel the relationship is moving in the right direction.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Avoid prolonged physical contact at first, including kissing and holding hands. A brief hug is fine, but lingering or forced contact is not appropriate. Don’t other people the idea that you're an exclusive couple.
- This is especially true when you're around others. Public displays of affection show a lack of self-control and can be considered disrespectful to others. You open displays can make other people feel uncomfortable.
- Be willing to date other people. The goal of dating is to broaden your social circle and learn more about yourself. Don't try to be exclusive with just one person—go on dates with as many people as you can.
5
Look for girls in your singles ward. In areas with lots of single Mormons of dating and marriageable age, the Church has established singles wards. You will be surrounded by single women, many of whom are probably interested in dating and marrying a Mormon, so take advantage.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- There's a current shortage of men in LDS circles due to them leaving the Church in their early 20s. This means there'll be plenty of girls looking for a date, and you can be as choosy as you’d like.^{[6]
  X
  Research source}
6
Date in groups. While dating is a good time to get to know someone, if you are young it is better to go on group dates. This can keep the relationship from getting too exclusive, and spending time with more people can give you a wider variety of things to do.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Group dates can be a good idea even for serious relationships because they'll allow you and your girlfriend to see how you interact with other people.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}
- Make sure everyone involved is a couple, or at least paired with someone. Otherwise, you'll risk having an awkward mix between dating and hanging out.
7
Don’t date while on mission. While you will be of the right age to date, the Church discourages you from trying to date someone while on your mission trip. Your focus should be on promoting the Church and performing good works, and you won’t have time for a relationship.
- Don't get into long-distance relationships or date someone you meet while on mission. They're both distractions.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dating as a Non-Mormon

1
Go on dates on days other than Sunday. Mormons observe the Sabbath closely, so Sundays are for attending church meetings and focusing on their spirituality.^{[9]
X
Research source} You’ll probably have to skip Sunday brunch, but there are six other days in the week to use for dating.
- Even if you don't observe the Sabbath yourself, you should still respect your girlfriend's faith.
2
Dress nicely. The Church encourages people to be a good influence on one another, and she will probably expect you to dress well for her.^{[10]
X
Research source} You don’t need to wear a tie, but she will probably find it attractive if you take the time to put on something nicer than jeans and an old t-shirt for her.
- Take care of the rest of your appearance as well. Maintain good hygiene and be well-groomed.
3
Know her limits on substances. Due to their religious teachings, Mormons do not smoke, drink alcohol or caffeinated "hot drinks" (such as coffee or tea), or do drugs.^{[11]
X
Research source} This does not mean that you cannot do those things, but remember that she will not be able to do them with you. This can make it harder for you two to do things together.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- The Church has recently clarified its position on caffeine. "Hot drinks," which refers to coffee or tea are not okay, but sodas are perfectly fine.^{[13]
  X
  Research source}
4
Don’t ask her to have sex. Mormons are very strict about avoiding sex outside of marriage. If you are in a relationship with the expectation of sex, it isn’t going to work out. The extent of other physical activity depends on what you both want from the relationship, though in general the Mormon Church frowns on sexual contact even beyond intercourse.^{[14]
X
Research source}
5
Learn more about the LDS Church. If she identifies as a Mormon, then she probably takes her faith seriously, and it means a lot to her. You’ll want to show interest in things she cares about, so take this time to learn more about Mormonism. You can ask her directly, or through sources like other Mormons or reading their books. You certainly don’t have to accept any of it, or convert, but it may help you understand her faith and choices.
6
Consider converting. If your relationship has gotten very serious, your girlfriend will probably try to find agreement in your faiths. Being married and raising a family can be very difficult if the two of you disagree about important issues like religion. In each case, you should also consider how this will affect your families. There are two ways to go about this.
- You join the LDS Church. This is obviously a big step for you, so be sure you have learned about the Church’s beliefs and teachings.
- She converts to your religion. If she's interested in converting, be ready to discuss your beliefs, and help her find ways to learn about and follow them.
- Alternatively, neither of you converts. If you're both comfortable having different faiths, you can still have a rewarding and fulfilling relationship.^{[15]
  X
  Research source} Keep in mind, however, that interfaith marriages are unusual for Mormons, so it could be difficult for your relationship to last.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Dating a Mormon Girl

1
Make sure she is 16. According to the teachings of the Church, Mormon youth should not date before the age of 16. If she isn’t 16 yet, she almost certainly won’t go out with you. Even after that, the Church discourages them from entering serious relationships before they are considering marriage.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- If all you are looking for is some non-serious dates to have a good time, you should be fine.
2
Ask her on dates. Even though there aren’t strict rules about who should be doing the asking, it is always easier for her to say yes when presented with the opportunity.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- Be specific when you ask her and make it clear that you want to go on a date. Say "Would you like to go on a date with me?"
- Follow up with something specific, such as: “Do you want to see a movie on Friday afternoon?” If she can't go on that day and time, she may work with you to find an alternative.
3
Try a variety of dates. You should want to keep things new and interesting, as you would in any relationship, while still allowing your date to maintain the standards of her faith. If you need alcohol or coffee to have a good time, you just aren’t being creative enough. Consider a mix of activities that are inexpensive, and allow you to talk and learn about one another.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- Some good ideas include going on a walk or a hike, going to a museum, or having a picnic outside. You could even do these as a group date, which may make her more comfortable in the early stages of your relationship.
- Service is important in the Mormon faith, so she might like doing something that will help others, like helping someone clean their yard. The important thing is doing it together.
- Plan ahead so that you don't run into problems, like sold-out movie tickets. Make reservations early, and tell her where you're going so that she can dress appropriately for the occasion.^{[19]
  X
  Research source}
4
Pay for the first few dates. If you were the one who did the asking, it is simply chivalrous and gentlemanly for you to pay for dinner, the movie, or whatever else you do.^{[20]
X
Research source}^{[21]
X
Expert Source

JT Tran
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
- Dates don't have to be fancy and expensive. Try doing something simple, like going for a walk or playing a game. The important thing is that you're get to know one another.
- Later on, you shouldn’t always be paying. If your relationship is moving forward, or she suggests doing something more expensive, it is not inappropriate for her to help pay as well.