How to Date a Confident Girl

Co-authored by Louie Felix

Last Updated: February 25, 2023 References Approved

Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in another person. But dating a confident girl isn't without its challenges. She's not going to be impressed by the usual flirting and games that you may be used to, so you may need to work a little harder. Most importantly, though, you need to have plenty of your own confidence.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Asking Her Out

1
Make a good first impression. You don’t have to look like you’ve stepped off the runway, but you should take pride in your appearance when you’re planning to ask out a confident girl. That’s because she likely makes an effort to look good, and will expect the same from a potential date.^{[1]
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- Take care of all basic grooming habits, so you appear clean and neat when you talk to her.
- You don’t have to wear the most expensive, trendy clothes, but your outfit should be clean and fit well.
2
Approach her. A confident girl is usually going to want you to be confident as well, so you can’t wait for her to talk to you. Show her that you have plenty of your own confidence by having the guts to walk up to her and start a conversation.^{[2]
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- If you’re having trouble working up the confidence to approach a girl, try to do it in a situation where she’s more likely to be receptive, such as at a party or bar. In most cases, she’s more likely to be friendly when she’s in a social setting.
- Remember to smile and maintain eye contact when you go to talk to her. If you keep your eyes down and fidget, she’s going to know that you’re nervous.
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3
Be direct. Confident girls are direct themselves, so that’s what they typically want in their partners. That means you shouldn’t come up with some lame excuse for approaching her, such as pretending that you need directions or her advice on what to get your friend’s girlfriend for her birthday. Instead, make it clear from the start that you’re interested in her and want to make a connection.^{[3]
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- If you haven’t been formally introduced, you might go up to her and say, “I saw you across the room and had to come over and introduce myself.”
- If you already know each other, you can approach her and say, “I’ve been thinking about you ever since the last time we talked.”
- You can also try offering up a compliment that makes your interest clear, such as “You know, your smile lights up the room,” or “You’re the most beautiful girl in the room, hands down.”
4
Be curious. A confident girl is going to want to know that you’re genuinely interested in her and who she is, so you shouldn’t necessarily ask her out right after you approach her. Instead, start a conversation to get to know her better. Avoid simple yes or no questions that can slow down a chat. Open-ended questions are a better option because they give her an opportunity to really express herself.^{[4]
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- If she’s in school, you might ask her what her favorite classes are and why.
- If she’s a frequent traveler, you might ask her to recommend some can’t-miss destinations.
- Pay attention to what she says, and use it to build off of to keep the conversation going. For example, if she mentions that she’s a big football fan, you can tell her about the big game that you went to last weekend.
5
Ask her out. Once you’ve gotten to know each other a little, it’s time to ask for a date. Don’t be vague -- asking “Would you maybe like to go out sometime?” isn’t going to impress a confident girl. Instead, make a concrete offer, such as “Would you like to get together tomorrow night?”^{[5]
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- It’s best not to make your first date something formal like dinner. Instead, go for something casual, such as grabbing a cup of coffee or a walk through a local park. That will keep things relaxed and low-key.
- Try asking her on a date that includes an activity. That way, you'll have plenty to talk about during the date.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Louie Felix
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Building a Relationship

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Don’t play games. While trying to make her jealous by mentioning your ex or flirting with other girls on social media may seem like a good way to get her attention, a confident girl isn’t going to feel threatened by other girls. In fact, she’s more likely to be annoyed so the ploy will probably backfire on you anyway.^{[7]
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- Instead of playing games, just try to be yourself. Focus on having natural conversations that will allow the two of you to get to know each other better.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Louie Felix
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
- It’s inevitable that past relationships will come up in conversation when you’re dating someone -- and that’s okay. It only becomes a problem if you’re trying to use your ex to get a rise out of your current girlfriend.
2
Control your insecurities. Because she doesn’t usually get jealous or irrational, a confident girl isn’t going to understand if you do. Don’t try to go through her phone when she’s not looking or guess her social media passwords so you can go through her accounts. Instead, try to be confident in your relationship and trust your girlfriend.^{[9]
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- If you’re concerned that there is a problem in your relationship, such as her relationship with an ex, just ask her about it. She’ll appreciate the direct approach, and is more likely to be honest with you.
- Remember, opposites attract, so even if you're more reserved, you can still have a fun, healthy relationship with someone who's naturally confident. It may even make you more confident, with time.^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  Louie Felix
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
3
Be decisive. When it comes to making decisions in the relationship, a confident girl isn’t going to want to do all the work herself. She’s going to expect you to know what you want and be able to express that clearly.^{[11]
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- Even when it comes to a simple decision, such as where you should go for dinner, don’t say, “I don’t know” or “I don’t care.” Offer up a concrete suggestion, so the two of you can make a decision together.
4
Offer compliments. Just because a girl is confident doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like to hear about her strengths from other people sometimes, so don’t let those things go unsaid. Be supportive and tell her about the things you like best about her on a regular basis.^{[12]
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- Don’t limit your compliments to her physical appearance. Sure, she’ll appreciate hearing that she’s pretty, but she likely wants to be valued as a complete person. Compliment her intelligence, strength, kindness, and other positive qualities as often as you tell her that she looks beautiful in a certain dress.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Navigating Problems

1
Don’t be afraid of conflict. If you’re both strong, confident individuals, then you’re going to disagree sometimes. That’s actually part of a healthy relationship because differences of opinion allow you to learn from one another. The key is to focus on the issues that you disagree on and not attack each other.
- When you’re frustrated, it can be easy to resort to name-calling and low blows. Do your best to avoid sinking to that level because a confident girl probably isn’t going tolerate that kind of behavior.
- Keep your tone of voice in mind. If you’re yelling to try to get your point across, chances are your girlfriend isn’t going to hear you. However, if you maintain a calm, even tone as you explain your feelings, she’s much more likely to take what you’re saying to heart.
2
Be honest. A confident girl is probably going to be able to express herself pretty well, so she’ll have no trouble telling you how she feels or what she thinks about your relationship. For a healthy, balanced relationship, you’ll need to do the same and tell the truth about how you feel. She doesn’t want to have to guess how you feel about her or how committed you are to the relationship.^{[13]
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- You have to be willing to open up to her even if you aren’t sure how she’ll react. Holding in your feelings may only lead to bigger problems down the road.
- If you’re feeling like your relationship isn’t a priority for her or she doesn’t value your opinion, tell her. She may not be aware that she’s making you feel that way, so the only way to be certain is to express your feelings. If it turns out that she isn’t as committed to the relationship as you are, you’re better off knowing that, so you can decide whether you should move on.
3
Listen carefully. Being a good listener is part of developing effective communication skills, which means you shouldn’t interrupt or talk over her. She's going to want a partner who takes her feelings and opinions seriously, and you can't do that if you don't hear what she's saying. ^{[14]
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- If you’re having trouble really processing what she’s saying, try rephrasing what she’s just said in your own words to ensure that you’re listening and understanding what she’s telling you.^{[15]
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4
Admit when you’re wrong. A confident girl doesn’t have a problem owning up to her mistakes, so she’s going to expect the same from you. If you’ve hurt her feelings or forgotten about a date, apologize and try to learn from the mistake.^{[16]
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5
Try to compromise. In a relationship between two strong, confident people, give and take is a necessity. If you make small concessions for her in a conflict or disagreement, it’s more likely that she’ll do the same for you, so both of you can feel like you have an equal say in the relationship.
- Don’t keep score. Not all compromises mean that you’re meeting in the middle. In some cases, you might have to concede more than she does and vice versa. If you compromise a little more than her on what to do on Friday night, that doesn’t mean that she “owes” you the next time you disagree. The goal is to find a solution that makes both of you as happy as possible on a case by case basis.

Expert Q&A

Question

Can an outgoing person date an introvert?

Louie Felix
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Louie Felix is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker, and the founder and CEO of Matchmaking VIP, a company which provides concierge-level matchmaking services to clients around the world. He is also the COO of Agape Matchmaking based in New York City. With almost 16 years of professional matchmaking and dating coaching experience, Louie has served as CEO for the United States' two largest matchmaking companies serving over 50,000 clients. He has been featured as an expert matchmaker for shows on E! Entertainment Television, WeTV and the CW. He was also recently acknowledged as a top 5 worldwide matchmaker by both the International Dating Conference and the Matchmakers Alliance. Louie was also selected as one of America's top 10 Relationship Experts for the Great Love Debate National Tour.

Louie Felix

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Yes! Opposites can attract, so it's definitely possible for someone who's reserved to happily date someone confident and outgoing.
Question

What is the ideal first date?

Louie Felix
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Louie Felix is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker, and the founder and CEO of Matchmaking VIP, a company which provides concierge-level matchmaking services to clients around the world. He is also the COO of Agape Matchmaking based in New York City. With almost 16 years of professional matchmaking and dating coaching experience, Louie has served as CEO for the United States' two largest matchmaking companies serving over 50,000 clients. He has been featured as an expert matchmaker for shows on E! Entertainment Television, WeTV and the CW. He was also recently acknowledged as a top 5 worldwide matchmaker by both the International Dating Conference and the Matchmakers Alliance. Louie was also selected as one of America's top 10 Relationship Experts for the Great Love Debate National Tour.

Louie Felix

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Choose a fun activity for your date. That way you'll be able to carry on a conversation while you enjoy your date.
Question

What if I feel insecure because my date is more confident than me?

Louie Felix
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Louie Felix is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker, and the founder and CEO of Matchmaking VIP, a company which provides concierge-level matchmaking services to clients around the world. He is also the COO of Agape Matchmaking based in New York City. With almost 16 years of professional matchmaking and dating coaching experience, Louie has served as CEO for the United States' two largest matchmaking companies serving over 50,000 clients. He has been featured as an expert matchmaker for shows on E! Entertainment Television, WeTV and the CW. He was also recently acknowledged as a top 5 worldwide matchmaker by both the International Dating Conference and the Matchmakers Alliance. Louie was also selected as one of America's top 10 Relationship Experts for the Great Love Debate National Tour.

Louie Felix

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Instead of fearing it or worrying about it, just embrace it. Dates often tend to go better when one person is more outgoing, because there's never a dull moment. Chances are, you're just creating your own subconscious biases—open yourself up to the possibility that it could be a great match.

Warnings

A confident girl has no problem calling you out when you screw up, so if you can’t handle that kind of honesty and directness, she may not be the one for you.

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Don’t expect a confident girl to chase after you. If she doesn’t think your heart is in the relationship, she’ll be quick to call it quits.

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If you start to play games, a confident girl probably isn’t going to stick around. She is confident that she can find someone else, so she isn’t afraid to move on.

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