How to Cope With Awkward Silence

Consider whether you should even care that there is silence. Some people feel more comfortable than others during 'awkward' silences. These people may not particularly enjoy meaningless small talk. They may even enjoy silence: a comfortable silence can be a sign of closeness between two people. If so, just try to relish in the silence for a bit. If the silence is indeed awkward for both parties, continue to the next steps.^[1]

Ascertain the reason for the silence. Is the silence legitimate? Should you stay quiet because you are at a library or a museum for instance? Is the silence awkward because you are with new, hard-to-read people? Could it be because you're with a friend that got into trouble while you were over? All these situations will need different handling.^[2]

Abide in the silence. If the silence makes you feel anxious, it would be mature and prudent to acknowledge the silence as a moment to reflect. Take a few deep breaths, wait a few minutes (take a walk or change room if possible) and evaluate if breaking the silence would lessen tensions.^[3]

Don't think that it's your responsibility to get things moving. Some awkward silences are the sound of people realizing something important - may not be pleasant, but important nonetheless.^[4]

• If the silence is due to a friend getting in trouble in front of you (in which case it is usually best to excuse yourself), or because you need to change the subject for parents who just came in, or because of new or disapproving relatives, consider this: Not all silences need to be broken by you, even if they are awkward.

Try to excuse yourself. If you are witness to your friend getting yelled at, it's best to leave and allow the family to resolve its problem. You certainly should not intervene - this is not your business - unless the parent asks you a pointed question. Your answer might help your friend out - or not - either way, answer truthfully. If you have an awkward situation with relatives, and your best efforts to win them over still result in stilted, stiff exchanges or awkward silences, simply get up and leave. Going outside to sit on the patio or simply refusing to put up with "the silent treatment" is probably your best bet.

Break the ice if the silence is simply due to not knowing the people around you very well. It is hard, but you need to come up with a good topic to talk about that everyone likes.^[5]

• Say something. "Why are we all so silent?" isn't as good as making a new topic, but it is a good way to at least get some sound in the room. Or talk about your newest nails.
• Be prepared with a topic, like a movie you've just seen, a new book you finished reading, some neutral news or current events, or new developments in one another's lives. Keep in touch with each others' lives.