11 Subtle Signs Your Girlfriend Slept with Someone Else

Co-authored by Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: December 20, 2022 References

Relationships rely on honest communication, and when you have a feeling your girlfriend may be cheating, it can be disheartening. Before jumping to any conclusions, take a deep breath and think. The best thing you can do is assess what’s going on and be aware of the signs. This way, you can talk to her openly and honestly. To help, we’ve put together a list of signs that your girlfriend may be sleeping with someone else. Read on to learn what to look out for and what steps to take if she is cheating.

1

She acts differently around you.

Is your girlfriend being extra moody or hostile? Uncharacteristic behavior is an immediate sign that something’s wrong. If your girlfriend’s seeing someone else, she may start picking random fights with you or being uncharacteristically giddy. These could be signs she’s checked out of the relationship or is overcompensating for her guilt.^{[1]
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- Think back to how she used to act. The best way to tell if someone’s lying is to spot differences in their normal behavior.^{[2]
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- Acting differently doesn’t always mean she’s slept with someone else. You care about her, so sit down and have an honest conversation about how she’s doing. Drastic mood changes could be signs of a deeper emotional or physical problem.

2

She fidgets or averts her gaze.

Does her body language change when she’s with you? Rapid hand movements, itching, and lack of eye contact could be a sign that your girlfriend’s lying. Pay attention to how her body reacts when you ask a question. She may be able to convincingly tell a lie, but her body may say otherwise. Here are some body language clues to look out for:^{[3]
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- Hand gestures after she speaks.
- Rocking back and forth.
- Shuffling feet.
- Playing with her hair.
- Looking at everything but you.
- Rubbing lips together.

3

She’s less attentive.

A cheating girlfriend will lose interest in your life. She’s suddenly quieter around you and doesn’t ask nearly the same amount of questions as before. In other words, she’s become distant. For example, maybe she doesn’t notice when you’re upset or tired from a long day like she used to, or she doesn’t seem to be listening when you talk to her. These could be signs she’s thinking about someone else and unintentionally ignoring you.^{[4]
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- By ignoring you, she’s closed herself off to protect her emotions or suppress feelings of guilt when she’s around you.
- Similarly, she may become too attentive. This could be a sign of guilt as she’s trying to compensate for her infidelity.
- Try to be more attentive and ask yourself if both of your hearts are in the relationship.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC
  Relationship Counselor
  Expert Interview. 24 November 2021}

4

She’s suddenly busy all the time.

Do you find it hard to reach your girlfriend lately? Her schedule’s suddenly picked up out-of-the-blue, and she’s been canceling plans left and right. Maybe she starts working late, going out more than usual, or makes excuses that don’t seem to add up. These could be signs that she’s spending time with someone else.^{[6]
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- If she usually spends late nights at the office or always seems to call to change dinner plans, this may not be out of character for her. Notice her current behavior and compare it to how she’s acted in the past.
- Give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt before you jump to conclusions. Maybe she is swamped at work or got caught up with friends.
- If she’s told you nothing but the truth before, you have reason to trust her. But if things start not adding up and she gives you a reason to think she’s lying, she may be taking advantage of your trust.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  Expert Interview. 27 October 27 2021}

5

She's protective of her phone.

Does your girlfriend leave the room to use her phone? If she’s cheating, she may start using her phone more frequently than before. She’ll be more hesitant about showing you things on her phone and will make sure it’s with her at every moment. This is a big red flag, especially if she’s never hidden her phone from you before.^{[8]
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- Notice if she’s deleting texts or her browsing history. This could mean she’s trying to get rid of any evidence of cheating.
- Ask your girlfriend if you can look at their phone. If she gets deflective, she’s most likely hiding something.
- If your girlfriend hasn’t given you any other reason to think she’s being unfaithful, have a little trust. Who knows? Maybe she’s planning a surprise party for you!

6

She focuses more on her appearance.

A sudden makeover could be a sign your girlfriend’s cheating. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself or getting dolled up, but there is something suspicious about drastically changing your looks for no specific reason. If your girlfriend suddenly starts working out consistently, wearing nicer clothes, or putting more work into her makeup and hair, she’s most likely hoping to look good for someone else.^{[9]
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- Ask her why the sudden change. Perhaps she wants to better herself and feel more confident—this is totally valid!
- But if she deflects your question with a shrug and no other reason than to “do something different,” it might be time to ask some harder questions.

7

She changes her hygiene routine.

Is she showering or changing clothes more frequently? An extra shower or change of clothes can hide the smell of someone else, so you don’t suspect anything. Perhaps you live with your girlfriend and notice she’s being uncharacteristically clean. If she comes home and immediately showers or changes her clothes for no other reason than needing to freshen up, it could be a sign she’s cheating.^{[10]
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- Now, updating her hygiene routine doesn’t automatically mean she’s sleeping with someone else. Maybe she’s focusing more on self-care or trying to wash off any extra germs she brings home from work, so you don’t get sick.

8

She’s concerned about your schedule.

A cheating girlfriend will want to know where you are at all times. If she suddenly has an out-of-the-ordinary curiosity about your whereabouts, it could be a sign she’s seeing someone else. Does she ask for a deleted schedule of your day? Is she persistent about meeting up at certain times at specific places? By knowing where you are at all times, she can schedule her secret rendezvouses accordingly.^{[11]
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- She’s fearful of being caught, so she’ll be overly attentive when it comes to your schedule.
- People often cheat because of the rush. They want to feel good, and the high they get from sneaking around and getting away with it makes them forget their “no.”^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC
  Relationship Counselor
  Expert Interview. 24 November 2021}
- Sit down with your girlfriend and ask her why she honestly wants to know about every second of your schedule. See if she’ll open up and tell you the truth.

9

She doesn’t want to have sex.

Your girlfriend may be saving herself for someone else. Is she purposefully avoiding “getting in the mood” or rolls over whenever you try to be romantic? There may also be a loss of intimacy or emotion when it comes to physical contact. If she’s putting up a wall when it comes to the bedroom, it may be because she’s sleeping with someone else.^{[13]
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- If you’re regularly having sex, another sign of cheating could be that your girlfriend wants to try new things in the bedroom. Introducing new techniques could mean she’s learning different tricks from someone else.
- A lack of intimacy or experimental sex doesn’t necessarily mean your girlfriend’s cheating. There could be something deeper going on with her sexual drive.
- The best thing you can do is talk to her. Gather your emotions and evaluate your suspicions. Then, have an open and honest discussion starting with something like, “I’m having some fears that you’re seeing someone else. Can we talk about it?”^{[14]
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  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}

10

She doesn’t make future plans with you.

Is your girlfriend hesitant about planning ahead? If she’s sleeping with someone else, she may want to end the relationship. In her eyes, there’s no future for the two of you together, so she’ll stop planning for it financially and emotionally. Notice if she makes excuses for not booking a vacation or deflects a conversation about marriage or children.^{[15]
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- There are plenty of other reasons why she might not want to talk about the future. Be honest and open with her, and ask her why things seem to be on hold.
- Who knows? She may be afraid of commitment or worried about not being able to give you everything you want.

11

What to Do If You Think She’s Cheating

Talk openly and honestly with your girlfriend if you suspect she slept with someone else. Think deeply about what you’ve noticed, and rather than making assumptions, confront her. We know this is hard, but do your best to stay calm and listen to what she has to say. If she has slept with someone else, follow these tips to understand why she cheated and if you can move forward in the relationship:^{[16]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- Ask her to explain why she betrayed your trust. Actively listen to her even if she says things you don't want to hear.
- State how and why she hurt you. Expressing your feelings is important too. Try your best not to be accusatory by using “I statements.”
- Ask yourself if you can trust her again. Once you’ve talked openly and honestly with each other, take some time to reflect and process what you’ve learned.
- Decide to end the relationship if you can’t rebuild trust. If both of your hearts can’t be mended, it may be best to walk away. Sometimes a short separation can give you both time to heal.