How to Be a Successful Muslim Husband

Co-authored by Jacqueline House, LMFT-A

Last Updated: December 12, 2022 References

To be a successful Muslim husband, be loving, attentive, and respectful of your spouse. Work with your spouse to uphold your faith. Share your thoughts and feelings, and encourage your partner to do the same. By showing affection, building trust, and paying attention to that which brings you closer to Allah in your spouse, you can be a successful Muslim husband.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Building a Strong Relationship

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Talk with your spouse. Ask about their feelings, and share yours with as well. Be honest and open about your joys and fears. Listen to what they have to say, and ask follow-up questions when they are telling you something.^{[1]
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- Make time for conversations even on busy days.
- Get into a routine where you regularly check in. You may always eat dinner together, for example.
- When your spouse wants to talk, make time for them. If you don't have time, suggest a later opportunity.
2
Share authority. Consult your partner about matters that affect you both. Show your partner that their opinion matters to you. If you disagree, do not dismiss the disagreement. Listen to your partner's logic, ask questions, and change your mind if they are right.^{[2]
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- The Prophet sought the advice of his wife 'Hazrat Ayesha, and followed her good counsel.
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3
Build trust. Avoid telling lies. If you're not truthful with your spouse, they will never trust you. You will also become suspicious if you lie.^{[3]
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- If you find yourself becoming secretive, ask yourself what you are afraid of. Try to work through that issue.
- For instance, if you hide purchases because your spouse gets angry when you spend money, talk to your spouse about this problem. Work out a budget you can both agree on, and stick to it.
4
Share domestic duties. Do not depend on your spouse to do all the cooking, cleaning, and planning. Be like the Prophet and engage in household tasks.^{[4]
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- 'Hazrat Ayesha was asked about the manners of the Prophet in his home, and she replied: "He would be helping in doing the family duties and when he hears the call of prayer he goes out."
- 'Hazrat Ayesha reported that the Prophet used to mend his shoes, sew his clothes and work in his household, "just as one of you works in his own house." She also reported that he was a man among men who used to "patch his clothes, milk his goats and engage himself in work."
5
Pay attention to your spouse's feelings. How your spouse is feeling should always matter to you. Share in your spouse's joys, and comfort them when they are unhappy. One report says that the wife of the Prophet was on a journey with him. She was late so the Prophet received her while she was crying. The Prophet wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Showing Affection

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Express your love. Look at your spouse lovingly, and tell your spouse that you love them. Say it often, and find new ways to say it. The wife of the Prophet, 'Hazrat Ayesha, would ask him: "How is your love for me?" And he would reply, : "Like the rope's knot," meaning that it was strong and secure. She would ask him, "How is the knot?" and he would reply, "In the same condition!"^{[6]
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- Leave little love notes around the house.
- Send your spouse a loving text when you miss them.
2
Kiss your spouse. This is a simple act but one with massive impact! Kiss your spouse when you greet them, and return their kisses when they are feeling affectionate.^{[7]
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- The Prophet says that before intercourse, you should kiss and speak to one another.
3
Share what you both love. Spend time with your spouse doing what they like as well as what you like! This is the best way to nurture the marriage and become closer to each other. The Prophet initiated games with his spouses and was attentive to their pleasure.^{[8]
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4
Show your appreciation. Thank them for all the nice things they do. Tell them what you like about them, and give them compliments when they excel or achieve a goal.
- If compliments come naturally to you, give them out freely. If they don't, teach yourself to give compliments at regular intervals. For instance, when your spouse is wearing a new outfit you can tell them that they look beautiful.
- Thank your spouse for good things they do for you and your family, but be sure to praise them for things they do for themself as well.
- Tell your spouse you are proud of them when they accomplish something. You may praise meals they make, promotions they earn, sticky situations they mediate, or art they create, for instance.
5
Use affectionate language. Invent sweet names for your partner, and you will find them more responsive and fond of you. Only use terms of endearment that your partner enjoys.^{[9]
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- The Prophet called his wife 'Ayesha "Humayra," meaning "rosy," as she had rosy cheeks.
6
Be generous and giving in bed. Adhere to Islamic etiquette of marriage and sex. Have a healthy intimate life with your spouse. Share your desires and encourage your spouse to share with you. Be generous with halal activities your spouse enjoys.^{[10]
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- Flirting and foreplay are important parts of Islam.
- Do not fall on your spouse without consent. You should both agree sincerely to a sex act before you engage in it.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Sharing Your Values

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Be conscious of Allah in regards to your spouse. When you are feeling frustrated or disappointed in your spouse, remind yourself to practice patience and mercy, for the sake of Allah. Remember that Allah has decreed for you two to be married to one another out of His Divine Wisdom and Will. He tests you though your spouse in order for you to learn and grow. He might teach you patience and sensitivity through them. As humans beings will not always appreciate what you do for them, Allah might also teach you to rely only on Him and work hard only for His sake. Each marriage is an individual and special bond, decreed by Allah. There is a lot you can learn from your own marriage, which Allah has created specially for you. Try to find the ways your marriages helps you get closer to Allah, and do your best to help your spouse get closer to Allah as well.^{[11]
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- When your strengthen your relationship with Allah, He will make your relationships with other people more harmonious (in sha Allah).
- Know that the shaitan (devil) try very hard to destroy marriages and this is one of their biggest goals.
- Constantly engage in the remembrance of Allah (Dhikr-u-Llah). It will benefit you in many ways such as making your life more gratifying and peaceful, and warding of the Shayateen.
- When your spouse helps you strengthen your character, they are supporting on your journey to Allah.
- Share religious duties with your spouse
2
Greet your spouse with the salaam. When you or your spouse encounter one another after a separation, say, "As-salaamu 'alaikum." Be a constant reminder to your spouse of your shared beliefs.
3
Make dua. Do not neglect to pray for the strength and health of your marriage. When you make dua, ask Allah to help you achieve and maintain excellent relations with your spouse.^{[12]
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- Tell your spouse what you are making dua for. Share your hopes and aspirations.

Community Q&A

Question

Can a Muslim husband massage his wife's legs if she is tired?

Community Answer

A Muslim husband can see or touch his wife in any way. So yes. A Muslim husband can massage his wife's legs when she is tired. Of course, he should respect her decision if she refuses.
Question

Is it right for a Muslim woman to communicate with men other than her husband and family members?

Sobi

Top Answerer

Generally, Muslim women should not be alone with or communicate with unrelated men, and they should cover their bodies and remain modest. However, in modern times, women may need to communicate with men, for example in legal situations. In these circumstances, they should do what needs to be done - nothing more, nothing less - and remain modest, lowering their gaze at that which doesn't need to be seen. Personally, to say that women not communicate at all is a tad bit extreme, especially since women are quite independent and have jobs, etc.
Question

I've been abused mentally and physically by my husband and his mom, but I can't leave him because of my children. What can I do?

Community Answer

It would be better for the children if you and they left this abusive household. Children need to learn kindness, and this begins at home. There is a chance he may abuse the children if you stay.