How to Be a Responsible Parent

Last Updated: November 5, 2020 References

Being a parent involves many responsibilities; you need to feed and clothe your kids, discipline them when they need it, and nurture their personalities and interests. The rewards for responsible parenting, though, are immense. You’ll be able to watch your children blossom and gain self-confidence, while respecting others and developing personal values. As a responsible parent, you need to care for your child’s safety and well-being, give them a value system to rely on, and spend quality time with them. This kind of responsible parenting strategy will help you raise a mature, loving, safe, and thoughtful child.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Disciplining and Setting Boundaries for Your Kids

1
Set firm household rules and behavioral standards. Children will be easily confused if a certain behavior is acceptable one day and forbidden the next. So, be sure that children understand the types of behavior you expect from them in any given setting. Clarify to your children also that they will be disciplined if they break these rules.^{[1]
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- Household rules could take the form of written instructions. For example, write: “No hitting other people, no complaining, no TV watching before homework is finished, and no name-calling.”
- Teaching your children empathy from a young age will help you more easily enforce your behavioral standards. Help them view their actions from an empathetic point-of-view. You could say, "How do you think it makes your sister feel when you hit her?" or "How do you think Daddy feels when you say hurtful things?"
2
Set boundaries for the ways your kids treat you. Boundaries help kids respect you and will ensure that you have the privacy and respect that you need. Useful personal boundaries include: not allowing children to interrupt you, not allowing kids to walk into a room you’re in without knocking first, and not permitting kids to boss you around. For your children, having firm boundaries in place will help them better understand ways in which they can and cannot treat and talk to you.^{[2]
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- The issue of boundaries becomes increasingly important as kids age. Teens are more likely to try to push the boundaries or disobey rules in ways you may not notice.
- Remind teens who act out that it’s still against household boundaries to, for example, swear in the house or come home past curfew.
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3
Provide consistent and rational discipline. As much as parents may dislike disciplining their children, it must be done when a child acts out or misbehaves. As a responsible parent, make sure to never discipline or punish your child purely out of anger. Also be sure that whatever discipline you dole out fits the crime. Giving arbitrary or punitive punishments may reduce the amount of trust that your child puts in you.^{[3]
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- For example, if your child gets their shoes muddy on a walk home from school, it would be arbitrary to spank the child or send them to bed without dinner.
- Instead, try requiring the child to wash their shoes in the bathtub before having a snack or watching TV.
4
Demonstrate flexibility and accommodate your kids’ needs. While parenting does require making some firm rules, there’s no value in being inflexible. Adjust your parenting style if you need to. So, if you’ve set some ground rules for your children that they continually break, think of ways to improve upon the rules. Or, if you feel disappointed in your kids, think of ways you can relax your expectations or be more accommodating of kids’ natural limitations.^{[4]
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- For example, if your child is past the age at which most learn to read, don’t get upset or frustrated with your kid, or feel like you’re a failure as a parent.
- Keep in mind that children progress at different rates.
- Being flexible also means adjusting your rules as your child gets older to reflect their changing needs. For example, you might allow them to go to bed later or play games with more mature ratings.
5
Protect the kids, especially when they’re young. As a responsible parent, it’s your job to watch over your children and make sure they’re physically safe. Especially when kids are young, keep a close watch on them and do not let them, for example, wander into a street. Steer kids away from situations that you know are dangerous, and describe ways that they can tell they’re potentially in danger. As kids age, you can do things like ask them if they’re being bullied at school and make sure that they know how to call 911 if they’re in danger and you’re not nearby.^{[5]
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- Protect very young kids by covering outlets, securely locking cabinets and drawers, and keeping them away from flights of stairs.
- As children age, they should be given more freedom and responsibility. You can still watch over teenagers, for example, by suggesting that they not participate in activities that seem dangerous or sketchy.
- As a responsible parent, it’s okay to say something like, “I respect your ability to make your own decisions. But in this case, I think you should reconsider the plans you’ve made; they sound dangerous.”
6
Meet your own emotional and personal needs. Parenting is a draining job, and it’s important that you don’t exhaust yourself trying to accommodate your children’s every request. Take some time for yourself on a weekly basis. Make sure to forgive yourself for any parenting mistakes that you make. It’s okay to not be a perfect parent, and it’s healthy to still maintain social relationships, even if it means spending time away from your kids once or twice a week.^{[6]
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- For example, if your children ask you to drive them to the movies after you’ve had a draining day at work, it’s perfectly fine to say, “Not tonight, guys. I’ve had a tough day and need some time to myself. I’m going to take a bath, why don’t you just watch a movie on TV instead.”
- If you’re raising your kids together with a partner, intentionally spend time together with them every couple of weeks.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating with Children and Instilling Values

1
Model positive behavior and responsibility for your children. Children are always watching their parents, and they’ll be inclined to repeat the types of behaviors that they see you modeling. Make sure that the ways you act and treat others in front of your kids are consistent with the types of verbal instructions you give them. As a responsible parent, you need to hold yourself to a high standard of behavior and encourage your kid to do likewise.^{[7]
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- For example, your kids will notice if you encourage them to treat others with kindness, then lash out in road rage whenever you’re behind the wheel.
2
Communicate openly and listen attentively. As a parent, sometimes it’s easy to put off communicating with your children. However, to be a responsible parent, you need to let your children know the reasons behind your thoughts and decisions. This also means that you’ll need to listen to your children when they express their feelings, thoughts, or desires to you.^{[8]
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- Try saying something like, “Hey, I know you were unhappy that I made you go to bed early last night. But, I only did that since you had school early today and I knew you’d be too tired to enjoy it if you stayed up late.”
- Whenever possible, offer reasonable options for your child. You could say, "I know you don't want to go to bed early, but you need to be rested for school tomorrow. How about you stay up late on Saturday, and we invite your friend for a sleepover?"
- You can periodically tell your kids something like, “It feels like we’ve all been very busy lately. I’m sorry we haven’t talked much, how are things going in your life? What’s new?”
3
Spend quality time together on a daily basis. For busy adults, it can be difficult to find the time to sit down and play with the kids. However, part of being a responsible parent is spending time together as a family. Focusing your attention on your kids will allow you to get to know them better (and vice versa), will build trust, and show that you want to be a part of your child’s life.^{[9]
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Research source} Ways to spend quality time with kids include:
- Ask them about their day and their social groups.
- Play a board game or a video game with them for an hour.
- Read to the kids and cuddle before going to bed.^{[10]
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  Julie Wright, MFT
  Childcare Specialist
  Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.}
- Take them on a family road trip or to a local attraction over a weekend.
- Take a family walk after dinner.
- Eat breakfast and dinner together.
4
Instill a value system in your kids. As part of responsible parenting, you need to teach your kids that there are certain core values that they should observe and believe in. These values can be subjective, but will help your child develop a sense of ethics and of personal values. Instill these values through verbal discussion and also through living them out in your daily life. This combination will cement the values in your children’s minds.^{[11]
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- For example, you can teach your children that it’s wrong to lie and that it’s wrong to hurt other people.
- Be aware, of course, that your kids may depart from this value system as they grow older. As long as they still treat themselves and others well, as a responsible parent, you need to let the kids grow and develop their own beliefs and values.
- It goes without saying that these beliefs do not need to be religious. That’s fine if you choose to bring your child up in a religious household. It’s also fine if you choose to bring your child up without religion. Either way, they’ll still need to be taught positive values.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Fostering Love and Affection with Your Children

1
Praise your children for things they do well. Positive reinforcement is an important aspect of responsible parenting. Praising your kids for doing something well—whether it’s chores, schoolwork, or just showing acts of kindness—will reinforce and encourage this type of behavior better than negative reinforcement of behaviors you dislike. Try to find 1 thing to praise your child for every day.^{[12]
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- For example, try to avoid saying things like, “You forgot to take out the trash again! No dessert for a week.”
- Instead, say things like, “I noticed that you made your bed this morning without having to be asked. Thank you, it makes me so happy when you do that!”
2
Help your child develop healthy self-esteem. As a responsible parent, it falls to you to help your children think well of themselves and view themselves as having worth and independence. To raise their self-esteem, take an interest in what your child talks to you about, and use your words and actions to show that you think they’re an interesting, smart, funny person.^{[13]
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- Say something like, “I love that sculpture you made for me in art class! You’re so good at making art. I love how talented you are!”
- Self-esteem is not the same thing as being rude, cocky, or arrogant. If your child starts to act entitled or feels as if they’re better than others, remind them that it’s important to be humble about their gifts and skills.
3
Encourage them to make their own decisions. As children get older, being a part of the decision-making process in matters that affect their lives encourages healthy development and growth.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Julie Wright, MFT
Childcare Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.} Once children are past the age of 4 or 5, you can help foster their independence by allowing them to make some decisions for themselves. Remind kids that they have well-developed decision-making skills, and encourage them to put these skills to use. This will help them realize that poor decisions have negative consequences, but also that they are capable of making good decisions with positive outcomes.^{[15]
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- For example, if a young child is debating attending a friend’s birthday party, say something like, “You know, this isn’t a decision that I can make for you. But, I know how good you are at making decisions. What do you think the right thing to do is?”
- Of course, be reasonable when allowing kids to make decisions. Consider the child’s maturity level and age when allowing them to make a decision.
- Allowing a 6-year-old to choose whether or not they go to school would be unwise. However, you could allow a 6-year-old to choose what they wear to school each day.
4
Meet your children’s emotional needs with love and affection. Children have a variety of emotional needs, and it’s part of your responsibility to meet them. For example, pay attention to your child’s moods. If they’re unhappy, ask them what’s wrong, and talk to them about solving the problem. Or, if your child has become generally anxious, depressed, or angry in recent months, you can help meet their needs by reaching out to a counselor or child therapist.^{[16]
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- Meeting a child’s needs involves knowing how much time you should spend with them. Infants and young children crave constant attention. As kids age, and especially by the time they’re teenagers, they will need much less of your time.
5
Treat kids with respect and ask for respect in return. Kids are often immature and silly. However, if you treat them with disrespect, scorn, or sarcasm, they may develop poor self-esteem and think little of themselves. Instead, show your kids that you respect them: talk to them as equals, listen closely when they present ideas, and praise their successes. When your kids see you showing them respect and taking them seriously as people, they‘ll be more inclined to show you respect in return.
- This means that, even if your kids present ideas to you that are silly or impractical, you should still take them seriously.
- For example, if your teen child suggests that they be allowed to stay up until midnight every night, don’t laugh in their face. Instead say, “You know, I liked staying up late at your age, too. I think midnight is a little impractical, but let’s talk and find a bedtime we both agree on.”^{[17]
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  Expert Source
  
  Julie Wright, MFT
  Childcare Specialist
  Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.}
6
Avoid negatively comparing your kids to other children. Negative comparisons can make a child feel worthless or let them believe that you prefer other children to them. Rather, focus on highlighting what makes your child special, without making comparisons to their peers. Even if some of their peers far exceed them in emotional maturity, athletic ability, or academic prowess, never make a negative comparison in an attempt to motivate your child.^{[18]
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- For example, avoid saying, “Your friend Sara always brings home excellent grades on her report card. I wish you would do the same thing.”
- Instead, try saying, “I’m impressed that you got a B+ in Geography, I know you worked really hard in that class! As long as you do your best, I’ll always be proud.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I encourage my child to stick to a bedtime routine as they get older?

Julie Wright, MFT
Parenting & Baby Sleep Specialist
Julie Wright is a Marriage and Family Therapist and the co-founder of The Happy Sleeper, which offers sleep consulting and online baby sleep classes. Julie is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in babies, children, and their parents, and the co-author of two best selling parenting books (The Happy Sleeper and Now Say This) published by Penguin Random House. She created the popular Wright Mommy, Daddy and Me program in Los Angeles, California, which provides support and learning for new parents. Julie's work has been mentioned in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and NPR. Julie received her training at the Cedars Sinai Early Childhood Center.

Julie Wright, MFT

Parenting & Baby Sleep Specialist

Expert Answer

It's really helpful for kids who are old enough to start feeling like they're part of the process when it comes to designating a bedtime routine. You could try talking about your days each night, including either what you did or what you're going to do the next day. As children get a little bit older, they like to talk about many different things.