How to Be a Pleasant Person

Last Updated: November 21, 2022 Approved

Pleasant people tend to be happier, not to mention more enjoyable to be around. In fact, happiness that is facilitated by pleasant interaction with one another is one of the greatest contributing factors to people's assessment of their own well-being, not to mention their overall satisfaction with their lives. Start taking steps to develop behaviors that will increase the quality of your social interactions, and you’ll soon become a source of pleasantness in your own and others' lives.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making Simple Changes to Convey Positivity

1
Choose to harbor positive emotions. Make the active decision to nurture a positive mindset. This is one of the quickest ways to affect your mood and outlook, which are both constantly shaping how other people feel around you. Further, maintaining positive emotions will contribute to your own satisfaction and the amount of happiness you experience. These sentiments will also positively affect the way you interact with others.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- Choose to hold onto positive thoughts as they arise, and repeat them in your mind. Similarly, make the decision to set negative thoughts aside, and address any recurring sources of negativity.
- Think of harboring positive emotions as providing the base of an “upwards spiral” that will contribute to your own emotional health and the enjoyment others derive in your company.
- The more optimism you convey externally, the more positive experiences you’ll share. In turn, these will lead to greater personal and social comfort, success, and happiness.
2
Perform simple acts of kindness whenever possible. Acts of kindness will immediately send a pleasant, positive message to whomever witnesses or benefits from them. Further, performing acts of kindness will contribute to your own feelings of happiness.^{[2]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} For instance, simply smiling while holding the door has the legitimate potential to improve someone’s day. Don’t miss your next chance to do so!

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3
Point out the little things that you enjoy. Take note of the little things that make you happy, and mention them to others around you. Simply spreading a sense of general contentment in the spaces you share with others will cause them to value and appreciate your presence.
- For instance, simply mention how refreshing the air is on a particular day, or pointing out the blue jay on the tree outside the office window.
4
Bite your tongue more often. Reduce the frequency with which you criticize or make contentious statements. When you disagree with someone, think about the specific reasons you hold a different perspective before voicing your disagreement. If you are uncertain about whether a critical comment is worth saying, try to see the scenario from the other person’s perspective. This will likely lead you to frame your perspective more pleasantly.
5
Allow yourself to smile. Smiling is one of the most powerfully pleasant behaviors you can immediately start doing more often. Not only will you own mood be elevated, leading you to act more pleasantly, the smile alone will positively affect the mood of those who see it – whether they realize it or not!
- Smile at people you interact with before saying hello. People will almost always smile back, and your interactions will start off pleasantly, even before either of you say a word.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Pleasantly

1
Articulate your thankfulness.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Ritu Thakur, MA
Natural Health Care Professional
Expert Interview. 13 December 2021.} The sentiment of gratitude actually contributes to your own and others’ happiness. Further, those who indicate their gratefulness to others wind up actually being more grateful for the contributions that others make to their lives, and enjoy stronger, more pleasant relationships with those around them. All told, gratitude, happiness, and positive relationships all tend to enhance each other.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- Incorporate gracious behavior into your daily life by saying “please” and “thank you” more frequently. This does more than simply indicate your basic gratitude, it also helps convey yourself pleasantly and respectfully.
- Try writing in a gratitude journal each day.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Ritu Thakur, MA
  Natural Health Care Professional
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2021.}
- You can also hang up inspirational post-its on your mirror to help you feel more thankful and grateful.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Ritu Thakur, MA
  Natural Health Care Professional
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2021.}
2
Give genuine apologies. Whenever you make a mistake, particularly by doing something that hurts another person, you need to apologize for it. This is true whether your mistake was intentional or unintentional. Focus on conveying the fact that you’re truly sorry. Say something like, “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry about ________.”
- Don’t try to explain or shift blame away from yourself. This will make your apology sound disingenuous. If an explanation is necessary, it can be given later, in a separate conversation.
3
Listen first. Instinct usually warrants speaking first and then listening to another’s perspective. However, you will likely be perceived more pleasantly if you get in the practice of listening first, and speaking only once you fully understand another’s perspective. Not only will you learn more about situations and people by actively listening to them, the efficiency and clarity of your conversations will improve.
- You’re immediately more likable if you are able to convey that you are genuinely interested in another person. One of the best ways to do so is by listening quietly, while making eye contact and indicating you understand by nodding periodically.
- After listening, you’ll also be able to frame your own perspective according to another’s vernacular, which make them more likely to hear what you’re saying, and increases the likelihood that the conversation is positive and productive.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Taking an Active Role in Social Interactions

1
Laugh readily and often. On par with the visual positivity of a smile, laughing is an auditory message that you’re happy. Further, it conveys that you’re on the same page with someone, that will make you both more comfortable in one another’s presence. And of course, laughing actually causes a release of endorphins that contribute to happiness and relaxation.
- Never stifle a laugh! Laughter is simply contagious: once someone begins, others are likely to follow, and all will benefit from its positive effects.
- Make eye contact with someone immediately after sharing a laugh with them. There is perhaps no better way for people to maintain positive sentiments than by keeping one another laughing.
2
Compliment readily. Acknowledging that you noticed something about someone that you admired or were otherwise impressed by is another surefire way to create a pleasant rapport between you. Sincerity is key, of course, so don’t go around complimenting people without any actual inspiration to do so. Instead, simply verbalize the complimentary thoughts that naturally come to your mind.
- For instance, when you find yourself impressed by someone’s behavior or performance, let them know.
- Be specific, as this will make the compliment sound sincere. Say something like, “I really admired how you handled yourself in there today. I thought your response to _____ was insightful and productive.”
- Make a compliment personal too, by adding something along the lines of, “I’m glad we’ll be working together on this.”
3
Initiate conversations with casual acquaintances. If you frequently run into someone, or have met a friend of a friend before but don’t really know them yet, don’t hesitate to say hello. Know that you can keep it brief if it feels awkward or if you tend to be shy.^{[7]
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Research source}
- Even simply saying hello will increase the likelihood that others will feel positively towards you. Introduce yourself, ask the person’s name, and say something like “Well, great to see you! Hopefully we’ll run into each other again soon.”
4
Engage in small talk. It might be insufferable in moments of particularly uninteresting conversation, but small talk indicates something incredibly important; that you feel the person with whom your speaking is worth your time and attention. Particularly when someone tries to chat with you, at least engage them for a polite exchange about the weather, the sports teams currently in the news, or the latest politician’s gaff.^{[8]
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- Whenever you encounter someone you know, say hello! Whether friends, or co-workers, indicate that you value the people around you by making a point of engaging with them, even if only for moment.
- Don’t allow concerns about a potentially uninteresting conversation to dissuade you from a positive encounter. At worst, you can always politely excuse yourself after trading a few pleasantries.
5
Take the opportunity to include others in your life. In simplest terms, invite others to join you, especially in social endeavors. For instance, whenever running into an old friend, be sure to include an invitation to the next open social gathering you’re looking forward to. Even if others are unable to attend a particular event, your invitation will come across as friendly and pleasant.^{[9]
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6
Welcome new people to shared social groups. Especially when someone has been brought into a new group but may not have developed individual relationships, make yourself available. If someone may need a bit of guidance getting used to a new environment, offer to walk them through an activity or scenario they may not have encountered before.^{[10]
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- Make a point of talking to the person at a social or work gathering you don’t know, and make sure they’re in the loop regarding any future activities that they might also be interested.
- Even if only in parting, say something along the lines of, “Hey, two weeks from today is _____. Hope to see you there!”
7
Expose yourself to other human beings. Technology has increasingly offered the ability to entertain, and even to sustain ourselves almost entirely independently. This does not mean that doing everything alone will make your happier. In fact, the more time you spend alone, the more important it is to go out too. One quick way to up your social interactions is making lunch plans. While your job will dictate the specifics, try to eat your meals, especially lunch and dinner, with others.
- In general, indicate that you want to be involved by vocalizing your interest and joining in group activities whenever you’re able to do so.
- Stay a while longer at social functions. Often, more personal interactions will occur when crowds have thinned, and the more you’re able to relate to someone, the more likely the two of you will enjoy a pleasant evening together.