How to Be a Good Host

Co-authored by Tami Claytor

Last Updated: June 28, 2020 References

To some degree, the rules for hosting depend on the guest and the situation. Perhaps you are hosting an overnight guest, or maybe you're having a dinner party. If it's a very close friend or family member, you can be a bit more relaxed. However, if your family member is bringing a stranger to your home, you may need to step up your host game. No matter the guest or the situation, there are a few guidelines that you can follow to help your guests feel at home.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Hosting a Meal or a Party

1
Invite people who you like and trust. Don't bother to invite people if they don't appeal to you or you have no intention of growing close with them. Choosing good guests may enable you to be a better host. Consider also how well the guests will get along with each other. Try not to invite people that you know won't mesh well, or that have a history of winding up at each other's throats.
2
Specify a time. It is important to know when to expect your guest/s. Make sure to give them plenty of advance notice – at least a week, and even more if the occasion is very important. Assume that they will also need to work around their own schedules. Don't tell them to come "sometime" if you really want them to show up. Tell them specifically when to come so that it feels more like an invitation. A range of times is also okay, but it should be no longer than a few hours.
- If your guests show up late, try to make them feel welcome. Do not sulk for the rest of the evening, or you may compound the problem. Just continue laughing and ignore the fact they were late.
- Telling your guests in advance is just a matter of courtesy. If they know what to expect, it will be much easier for them to plan their schedules around it.
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3
Take guest preferences and food allergies into account. When you decide on the food you will be serving, consider your guests' food concerns. Always contact them beforehand and ask if they have any allergies or food specifications. Inviting a vegetarian over for dinner and preparing a roast would be embarrassing for both of you. Be sure to cook something that you're comfortable cooking.
- Don't just say, "Do you have any preference for the meal?" Instead, ask your guests to name specifics. Say, "I'm planning the meal for Friday night. Do you have any allergies or food restrictions that I need to be aware of?"
- Don't go out of your way to prepare a main course which takes days to make. A good guest will appreciate any decent meal that tastes good.
4
Clean house. Before your guests arrive, tidy up the space to convey that you care. If they arrive in a messy household, it shows you do not care for your surroundings, and it may make them feel less welcome in your home. Put away toys, tools, and clutter. Remove allergens by vacuuming carpets, rugs, and upholstered furniture.
- If you have a dog that tends to greet, bark at or jump on guests when they come through the door, put it in another room. Some people are scared of dogs and intimidated even by their approach. Some are allergic.
- If you have pets, find out beforehand whether your guests have any fears or allergies. If they are allergic, give them a heads up so they can take medication to help better handle the situation.
5
Be welcoming. Once your guests arrive, open the door and show them where to put their things. Show them the bathroom on the way in before taking them to the living room and offering them a seat. Never leave them hanging at the front door; don't expect them to follow you if you don't say anything. If you still have things to prepare, engage with your guests whilst organizing what you have left. By now, you should have finished tidying the area, so that you have only the food to finish.
- Have your family or a housemate engage the guests so that you can finish preparing the rest of the food. Keep finger food on the coffee table in the living room to whet everyone's appetites.
- Ask your guests if they would like a drink. Offer them at least two options – whatever you think is most suitable for the event. The options could range between coffee, tea, water, beer, and wine.
6
Have all of the food ready (or on the way) when your guests arrive. Don't rush. Move casually otherwise you will let your guests think they have become a burden for you.
7
Offer an after-dinner drink. After you have finished dinner and are eating dessert, offer your guest something to wash down the meal. Depending on the mood and energy of the gathering, consider coffee, tea, or an alcoholic digestif. Sit and talk on the couch with a drink.
8
Engage your guests in conversation. Talk about things that they want to talk about. Ask questions about their work, their travels, their families. Don't complain about how your child was sick all week or how you are having family issues. Show interest in what your guest has to say. Build on the conversation and let it flow.
- Business can be a good subject, but be careful with whom you bring it up. Many people like to separate their work from their social lives. Take cues from your guests, and don't try to force any topic.
9
Make your guests feel appreciated. If they want to leave, ask them to stay a bit longer since you have enjoyed their company. Tell them it has been a lovely time, and you are keen to see them again. If you noticed that they enjoyed part of the meal in particular, consider giving a portion of it to them. Tell them you won't need it; say that it's a pleasure to see someone enjoy your food.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Hosting Overnight Guests

1
Consider how well you know your guests. Most overnight guest-hosting is a matter of common courtesy; however, the level of access that you give your guests will vary depending who's staying. If you are hosting family or close friends—people that you know and trust—you may invite them to feel at home in your space. If you are hosting a stranger (say, through Airbnb or Couchsurfing.org), you should still be a courteous host, but it may a greater risk to give them the sort of access that you'd give your family.
- If you're hosting an Airbnb guest, you may not be around the house when they're around. You may even be away on a trip. Make sure to leave plenty of notes around to help your guests understand the way you want things done.
2
Put clean linens onto the bed. Make sure that there are plenty of clean towels, if possible. Provide a neutral-smelling soap for you guest to use in the shower, and consider setting aside a basic but neutral mid-range shampoo and conditioner for you guest to use.
- If he/she has a private room, place all of these toiletries on a bedside table with a note saying "If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask." If your guest will have a private bathroom, you can just leave the toiletries in the bathroom.^{[1]
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3
Provide for your guests' temperature needs. You never know how someone will feel about the temperature in your home; some like it hot, and some do not. Do not assume that your guest will be comfortable just because you are. Consider leaving an extra blanket in a dresser, at the foot of the bed, or on the top shelf of a closet.^{[2]
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4
Consider giving your guests access to laundry machines and an ironing board. Leave an iron and an ironing board in the closet or corner of the guest bedroom. Show your guests your laundry machines, if you own any, or tell them where they can clean their clothes if need be (say, there's a laundromat down the street). If your guests have traveled a long distance, they might want to freshen up their clothes, and they might need a wash.
5
Provide breakfast, but don't feel the need to change your schedule to accommodate your guest. If you wake up early, leave a note on the bedside table saying that you eat breakfast at 7:00 am (or whatever time), and you'd be happy to have your guest join. You may also simply coordinate breakfast plans with your guest at night before you go to sleep. Make sure to mention what's on the menu for breakfast.^{[3]
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- If your guest doesn't like eating breakfast or doesn't want to rise early, you have several options: invite her to use your kitchen, give her a tip about a local breakfast spot, or leave a simple breakfast spread out on the counter for her. Consider leaving some warm baked goods along with butter and jam for your guest to snack on until lunchtime.
- It's important to make a guest feel special, but there is a fine line between feeling special and feeling like a stranger in a loved one's home. You need not change your entire family's routine to accommodate your guest.
6
Help your guest feel at home. Encourage guests to help themselves to food, snacks, to go out for a walk, and to make themselves at home. Show them how to find essential amenities like tea, coffee, snacks, internet access and wifi.^{[4]
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Research source} As a household host, you aren't there to wait on your guest, but to include them in your household routines. Offering to take them out to see local sites or to go on a hike is great, but don't push it if they just want to chill around the house.
7
Show your guest around or give her directions. If you have time, show your guest around your area. Introduce her to local friends, steer her through the sights, and try to give her a good impression of what it's like to live where you live. If you don't have time to spend the whole day with her (say, you have work or school), give her a bit of direction for her explorations, or invite her to hang out at your place until you return.
- If your guest wants to explore on her own: don't feel obligated to let her use your car, but consider loaning her a bicycle or a bus pass to get around. Tell her the most effective way to use public transportation. Suggest things that she needs to see, and tell her you'll meet her somewhere after work.
- Try to ensure that your guest isn't bored. However, it's not your responsibility to spend every waking moment worrying about whether she's enjoying her stay.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

General Hosting Tips

1
Prepare the house before your guest arrives. Being a good host is about making people feel comfortable from the minute they walk in the door. This means you need to do some preparation before your guest arrives. Clean the house, have a clear space for guest to put their bags/shoes/coat/umbrella. If you're planning on playing games or watching something, make sure that the supplies are easily accessible.^{[5]
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- Anything that could embarrass you may also make your guest uncomfortable: dirt, potentially-offensive books/magazines/movies, or having to root around in the closet or kitchen for something.
- Know your guests' allergies beforehand so you can be prepared. Consider allergies to food, drinks, animals, and cleaning products.^{[6]
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2
Be clear about the house rules. When your guest arrives, lay down the basic house rules right away. This doesn't mean that you need to give them a lecture: it means being kind but clear about the expectations for the space in which they've found themselves.
- If you like guests to remove their shoes, don't let them walk around for a bit and then comment on it. Pointedly take off your shoes and ask if they would like you to put theirs away too. They will get the hint.
- If you have furniture that you don't want your guests to touch or rooms that you don't want them to enter, be clear from the beginning to avoid awkwardness later on.
- Point out the bathroom right away. This way, no one will need to ask where it is in the middle of another conversation.
3
Give your guest the chance to help out, but make your expectations realistic. Don't pressure the guest to clean up with you, but don't deny them if they really want to help. Many people would rather contribute than be waited on. Having something to do takes the mind off of any lingering discomfort.
- Give your guests little things to do, like emptying the table or putting the dessert on the table.
- If they offer to clean the dishes, you may find it most polite to decline and offer them a drink. Sit them at the bar in the kitchen and let them talk to you while you clean dishes. If they are determined, then leave the dishes, sit at the table and talk; ignore the fact that there are dishes to be washed.
4
Make sure your guest is physically comfortable. No one likes to stand in the middle of a room, clutching their bag, wondering where to go. Put away whatever they are holding (if they want you to) and motion for them to take a seat. Offer to get them something to drink. Once they are settled in, it might even be nice to leave the room (maybe under the guise of getting that drink) so that they have a chance to take a break and look around.
- If you are constantly with someone, they won't get the chance to absorb the environment, and they might be distracted while you are with them later. This does not mean leave them for a long time – a minute or two tops should do it.
- People like having things to do with their hands. So having a drink or munchies can help. Don't offer your guest food and not eat yourself, they will feel rude and gluttonous. Take some snacks too.
5
Have a plan of events. Inviting someone over and then asking them what to do is rude. They won't know what you can and can't do at your home, and they likely won't feel comfortable taking charge of someone else's territory. Even if you aren't sure if the guest will enjoy playing Scrabble, anything is preferable to sitting and staring awkwardly in opposite directions.^{[7]
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6
Keep the conversation flowing. One of your biggest jobs as the host is to keep everything going smoothly. You will need to set a positive tone, and act as a moderator if anything goes awry. Be prepared to smooth tensions: always be ready to change the subject or talk to anyone who's causing trouble. Your social "job" as the host is to make sure that your home is a safe and welcoming space for all who enter – no matter who is causing the problems.
- Consider coming up with conversation topics beforehand. Think about what you've been wanting to ask each person – about a new job, or a baby, or a big trip. Plan ahead so you don't have to think about it much in the moment.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you deal with guests who stay too long?

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.

Tami Claytor

Etiquette Coach

Expert Answer

Let them know that you're busy and you have something to do, but phrase it in a way that suggests you're more concerned about their comfort than your own. For example, you could tell them you have a lot of chores to do around the house and you don't want them to be bored. Or you could say that you have to do some painting and you don't want them inhaling the noxious fumes. Always say that you don't want the person to feel uncomfortable.
Question

How can I be a good host for a study session?

Community Answer

You could start by gathering some drinks and snacks for everyone during the study session. Then, make sure there is a large, clean, flat surface for people to work on along with plenty of paper, pencils, pens, and any other materials you think someone might need.
Question

I am hosting a girl for 4 days, what should I ask her to make her feel comfortable? I am afraid about silent eating in the morning?

Samuel

Community Answer

Start with the low hanging fruit, for example: how have you been? Where are you going for vacation? These questions might inspire your friend’s next question or statement or start a conversation. If all else fails, tell a few jokes!

Warnings

Don't talk about other people or friends. It leads to gossip and gossip is ugly. You might say something you might regret after they have gone.

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If your guest starts to speak rudely about people change the subject or bring out dessert.

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If they mention a person you don't like, make it a policy to be silent and nod your head to what they are saying.

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