How to Be Yourself Around Someone You Admire or Like

Co-authored by William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC

Last Updated: December 5, 2022 References

It's hard to meet someone you admire or like. Most people act like a totally different person when they are around someone they admire or like. Keeping your cool, being yourself, or keeping perspective will all help you to be yourself around that person and overcome any anxiety. With time and a little practice, being around someone you admire or like will become easier.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Keeping Your Cool

1
Smile. Smiling has been shown to give people a better impression of you. When you smile, you show that you’re friendly and confident. If you want to make a good impression on someone you admire or like, it’s best to smile when you meet them.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
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2
Breathe. One of the key strategies for keeping your cool when you’re nervous for any reason is to simply breathe and focus on your breathing. Your heart will naturally slow down and you’ll feel calmer.^{[2]
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3
Slow down when you’re talking. When you're nervous, you probably tend to talk faster, and this can cause the person you're talking to miss what you say. When you're talking to someone you admire or like, you don't want them to miss what you say! Speed-talking will make you seem nervous. Repeat to yourself, “Slow down. It’s going to be okay.”^{[3]
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4
Make your posture seem relaxed but attentive. Making eye contact will let the person you're talking to feel know you’re paying attention.^{[4]
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Research source} You’ll want to keep a good posture by standing with your back straight and your arms at your sides. If you’re meeting this person for the first time, be careful not to act overly familiar by waving at them as though you already know them well.^{[5]
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5
Listen to what the person you admire or like are saying. In addition to helping you keeping your cool, paying attention to what they are saying will let you to have something intelligent to say back. You may find yourself getting lost in anxiety or overthinking what you want to say to back to them. If that happens, think to yourself, “Listen.” This should help you return to the moment.^{[6]
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6
Ask open-ended questions. By asking open-ended questions, you can get to know who they really are, not just your impression of them. It's okay to be quiet and listen while they talk. Give yourself time to think about an open-ended question they've just asked. Say, "Let me think about that for a second." As long as you answer the question they're asking openly and honestly, such a response won't make you seem like you're dodging something uncomfortable.^{[7]
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- It's also perfectly okay to set boundaries when they ask something you don't feel comfortable answering. You can say something like, "I appreciate how curious you are but I'm not really comfortable answering that right now."^{[8]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Yourself

1
Prepare yourself. If you’re going to meet someone you admire or like for the first time, make sure you've researched about or found out a bit about them. This will help you know how to connect to with them. You may also want to prepare yourself by listing out your good qualities on a sheet of paper before the meeting. This will remind you that you are worthwhile too, no matter how the interaction goes.^{[9]
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- If you're around someone you admire or like, you may want to look on their social media to see what they like or ask a mutual friend.
- If you're inviting them to hang out, try to choose an activity that makes you feel comfortable, like going for a hike or playing video games.^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.}
2
Don’t lie or exaggerate about yourself. It may be tempting to lie about connections, positions, or even personality qualities in order to make yourself look better to someone you admire or like. However, simply put, with the internet, it is often easy to find out any lies, especially if you are going to have a working relationship with the person for any amount of time. Secondly, when you lie about your abilities or personality, it can make you less confident about yourself and make the interaction even more tense.
- For someone you like and may want to date, it is especially important not to lie, as dishonesty can quickly destroy trust in a relationship.
3
Find common ground. Finding something in common is one of the quickest ways to make a connection. While the research you have done about them will help you with this, it is important not to mirror them too much as this will make you seem creepy. However, simply talking over a recent show or book that has come out can foster conversation. Talking about common interests can also help connect you with a crush as well.^{[11]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Keeping Perspective

1
Don’t think the worst. Remember that even if you make a mistake, it is unlikely that it will seem as big a mistake (if they see it as one at all) to the person you admire or like. When you're getting ready to meet someone you admire or like, talk the negative thoughts down and remind yourself that it is extremely unlikely that the worst, or even something very bad, will happen when you meet the person you admire or like.^{[12]
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2
Remember that the person you admire or like is just a person like you. A lot of times you might get nervous around people you admire or like because you've built them into something they’re not. They aren’t perfect and they are human. They’ll do some things better than you, but it is just as likely that you'll do some things better than them. Remember to appreciate their skills as well as your own.
3
Stay in the moment. Staying in the moment can help you keep perspective as it allows you to forget what the moment will look like to your friends or to think the worst of any mistakes you make. Taking the interaction moment by moment will help you to listen and also say what you want to say.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you overcome anxiety around people?

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor
William Schroeder is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Co-Owner of Just Mind, a counseling center in Austin, Texas that aims to remove the stigma from therapy. With more than 14 years of experience, he specializes in cognitive counseling with adults on issues such as loss, life transition, happiness, relationships, and career exploration. He has also received advanced training and works with clients with ADHD and Aspergers (ASD). William and Just Mind have been featured in publications such as The New York Times, Business Insider, and Readers Digest. William holds a BBA in Marketing from Loyola University, New Orleans, and an MA in Counseling Psychology from St. Mary’s University.

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

As though social anxiety can be debilitating, you don’t treat it by avoiding it. The path forward is like building a muscle: you start with something light and manageable and work toward your goal. If your anxiety stems from traumatic events, then it might be helpful to seek the support of a therapist.
Question

Why do I feel anxious around someone?

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor
William Schroeder is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Co-Owner of Just Mind, a counseling center in Austin, Texas that aims to remove the stigma from therapy. With more than 14 years of experience, he specializes in cognitive counseling with adults on issues such as loss, life transition, happiness, relationships, and career exploration. He has also received advanced training and works with clients with ADHD and Aspergers (ASD). William and Just Mind have been featured in publications such as The New York Times, Business Insider, and Readers Digest. William holds a BBA in Marketing from Loyola University, New Orleans, and an MA in Counseling Psychology from St. Mary’s University.

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

You need to take a look inward to understand the origins of that anxiety. Is the person you like causing this? What are the variables that make this better or worse? Paying attention to those variables might help change the disruption your anxiety places upon you.
Question

How can I be myself around my crush?

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor
William Schroeder is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Co-Owner of Just Mind, a counseling center in Austin, Texas that aims to remove the stigma from therapy. With more than 14 years of experience, he specializes in cognitive counseling with adults on issues such as loss, life transition, happiness, relationships, and career exploration. He has also received advanced training and works with clients with ADHD and Aspergers (ASD). William and Just Mind have been featured in publications such as The New York Times, Business Insider, and Readers Digest. William holds a BBA in Marketing from Loyola University, New Orleans, and an MA in Counseling Psychology from St. Mary’s University.

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Try looking for different ways to interact. Maybe you prefer less crowded environments, and a hike or a picnic might be more suitable for connecting with someone you care about. You might find you’re at your best when playing games, as that lends some structure to the interaction.