How to Be Your Own Life Coach

Co-authored by Leah Morris

Last Updated: July 2, 2021 References

A life coach is somebody who helps you manage various aspects of your life, from your career goals to your finances to your personal life. While there are professional life-coaches who are paid for their insights, each and every one of us has the power to write our own destiny. Read this article to learn how.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Being Introspective

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Observe your own behavior and thought patterns. This will help you recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and identify which aspects of your life need improvement. Remember that before you fix something, you must first identify the problem(s).^{[1]
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Research source}^{[2]
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Expert Source

Leah Morris
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.}
- Practice viewing your own life from an objective standpoint, i.e. from the perspective of somebody else. This might take months of practice, so be patient and keep reminding yourself to take a step back every once in a while to reflect.
- Notice how you react to stress, excitement, anger, and anxiety. While these are universal human emotions, we all handle them differently. Do you handle these negative emotions rationally, or do you let them blow out of proportion? Pay attention to what triggers these emotions: school, work, family, etc.
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Pay attention to your relationships with others. Your relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers reveal a great deal about the kind of person you are.^{[3]
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Research source} Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you frequently argue with friends and family members? Who is usually the one who instigates these arguments?
- How do you reconcile disagreements? Do you compromise, or do you always assert your position?
- Are there certain people in your life that make you feel irritated or insecure? Why is that?
- Have you been neglecting or ignoring your loved ones? When was the last time you showed a friend or loved one that you care for them?
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3
Identify your fears and insecurities about the future. This will help you put your fears in perspective.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Leah Morris
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.} The key is to determine whether a fear is rational (i.e. a real danger), or if it stems from personal insecurities.^{[5]
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Research source} Consider the following exercise:
- Think of a fear. For example, "I'm afraid of going back to school because I don't think I'm a strong student." Now, imagine that one of your good friends or family members told you that he or she felt this way. How would you react? What kind of advice would you give him or her? Would you tell this person to give up, or tell them that it is worth a try? We oftentimes give better advice than we are willing to take ourselves, because of the bias we have toward our own insecurities.
- Remember that even the most successful inventors, entrepreneurs, and scientists were at one point in their lives doubtful of their own capacity. They were probably told by people around them that what they wanted to do was impossible, and yet they pushed through and followed their dreams.
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Start a journal. Journals are a great way to keep track of what has happened in your life (both good and bad) and how you reacted to these situations. Reviewing your journal entries will help you put your life in perspective, notice patterns, and identify recurring problems.^{[6]
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- Go back and re-read old entries once some time has passed. Now that you are no longer in the heat of the moment, do you think that you reacted appropriately to the situation? How could you have handled it better? Keep these things in mind for the future.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Choosing The Right Path

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Identify your interests. The best way to have a fulfilling life is to spend your time doing things that you genuinely care about. Consider whether you are interested in art, science, politics, or the environment. Think about what you want your life's legacy to be. How do you want to impact the world around you? These questions will help you find the right career path for you.^{[7]
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- Learn to distinguish between your hobbies and your bigger interests. Just because you like to play guitar, doesn't necessarily mean you should pursue music as a career. But if you eat, sleep and breathe guitar, then continue to practice and perfect your craft and pursue your dream.
- Don't give up on your hobbies. Just because your passion isn't lucrative, doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't partake in it. In fact, the opposite is true. Life is about learning to balance work and fun, and giving up either will be detrimental to your emotional health. Remember that if you have never worked at anything, you won't be able to appreciate the free time you have to partake in hobbies or spend time with friends.
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Explore and develop your talents. If you want to reach your full potential, you will have to devote time to strengthening the talents you already have, and uncovering any hidden talents that you haven't discovered yet.^{[8]
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- Take classes or private lessons in subjects that you are interested in, even if you have no previous experience. You never know when that one elective will open the door to an entirely new career that you had never considered.
- Don't be discouraged if you realize that you are not skilled at something. Remember that even recognizing what you are not good at is still a step in the right direction, pointing you toward what you are good at.
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Pursue your goals passionately and responsibly. Once you have set your mind to doing something, follow through with it. Be prepared for obstacles, and don't expect immediate results. All good things take time and hard work, but it will be well worth it in the end when you achieve your goals.^{[9]
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- Remember that at the end of your life, you are much more likely to regret the things you didn't do than the things you did do.
- Choose goals because they're based on your values, not because you think they will help you earn respect and admiration from other people. You'll feel more fulfilled when you accomplish a goal if you're doing it for yourself, not other people.^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  Leah Morris
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.}
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Stand up for yourself. In life, you will undoubtedly come across people who will try to take advantage of you, whether it is financially or emotionally.^{[11]
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Research source} While you should strive to be a sensitive, caring person on the one hand, you must also be tough-skinned and not let people walk all over you.^{[12]
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- Be skeptical when people ask you to borrow money, constantly expect you to pay for things, or ask for favors without reciprocating. This person is probably taking advantage of you.
- Be vocal when something is bothering you. Whether it is your employer, your spouse, or your family member, you should get in the habit of calmly letting people know when they have crossed the line. You might be surprised to learn that this person had no idea that he or she was upsetting you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Gaining a Positive Outlook

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Learn to silence negative thoughts.^{[13]
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Research source} Some people say "you are what you eat." Even more so, you are what you think. Positive thinking has the power to transform a mundane or even unpleasant experience into a wonderful one. Thinking positively will give you the foundation for a happier life, regardless of what happens to you.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- If you catch yourself having a negative thought, take a step back, identify the thought, and label it as a "negative" thought. Learning to isolate negative thoughts will help you put your worries and insecurities to rest.^{[15]
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- Begin a regular meditation practice. Meditation is the practice of developing mindful awareness. Meditation not only trains you to silence negative thoughts, it helps you calm all thoughts, good or bad, so that you can learn to enjoy the present moment.
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Surround yourself with positive people. Remember that other peoples' energy will rub off on you, especially if you spend a great deal of time with them.^{[16]
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Research source} Make a point to spend time with friends and loved ones who make you feel better, not worse.
- Before distancing yourself from friends or family members who you consider to be "toxic," try to be a positive influence in their attitudes rather than succumbing to their negativity.
- Terminate any physically or emotionally abusive relationships immediately. No matter how forgiving a person you may be, there is no excuse for violence and abuse.
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Be thankful.^{[17]
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Research source} Many of us define ourselves in terms of what we want to do or what we want to own. In other words, we define ourselves in terms of what we don't have. This in essence suggests that we are somehow incomplete. Take some time to be thankful for the things you do have, whether they are physical objects or not, on a daily basis.^{[18]
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- Remember positive memories. While it seems impossible to forget embarrassing or sad memories, many of us overlook all of the great memories that have taken place in our lives. Think of the best day(s) you have had in the past month or year. Remember special parties, vacations, and holidays.
- Appreciate the wonderful people you have in your life. If you are depressed because you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, dwelling on this missing element will only make you more unhappy. Take some time to appreciate all the great friends and family members you have in your life.

Community Q&A

Question

Where and how would I start to be my own life coach?

Community Answer

Make objectives and ask yourself what you want to gain. Then, write out how you want to gain this. Then the planning begins and you are coaching yourself in life.
Question

How do I become perfect in life?

Community Answer

Do the things you want to do and feel comfortable about. You can do anything to make your life a better one. You have to make your own decisions. A perfect life isn't always there, but you can make it better yourself.