How to Be Feisty

Last Updated: March 17, 2023

What does it mean to be feisty? When we think of feisty people, we think of individuals who are strong-willed and vivacious, yet playful, with a zest for life. The word "feisty" actually stems from the 19th Century feist, meaning "small dog"^{[1]
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Research source}, so it's easy to see where the image of a feisty person as a fun-loving, bold, and spirited one is derived from. Becoming more feisty by fostering these qualities in yourself can be a way both to enhance your own enjoyment of life and also to make yourself more appealing to others for friendship or dating, so if you're on the fence, read on! See Step 1 below to get started.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Acting Bold and Assertive

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Let your opinions be known. Feisty people aren't delicate, shrinking flowers. They don't hesitate to tell anyone what they're thinking. If you want to be feisty, start here. All feisty people let their opinions be known one way or another.^{[2]
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Research source} Whether you're just shooting the breeze with friends or participating in a serious debate, you'll want to let the people around you know what you're thinking, even if it's something they won't agree with. This has benefits beyond just making you seem feisty — a fearless expression of your opinions can lead others to respect you for your boldness, even if they don't agree with you.
- While you will want to have no qualms about saying what's on your mind, ordinary social etiquette still applies to you even if you're feisty, so avoid being rude when you're expressing your opinions. For instance, if you're with your friends and they want to see a movie that you don't think you'll like, at dinner, you might say something light-hearted and sarcastic like, "Wow, another paranormal teen romance? Sounds awesome, guys!" You wouldn't want to say something like, "You guys are morons. I can't believe you idiots like that trash." Remember, feisty people are opinionated, but they're not cruel.
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Let your emotions show. As a feisty individual, just as you'll want to let the people around you know what you're thinking, you'll also want to let them know how you're feeling. To a certain degree, the way you feel on the inside should be the way you behave on the outside. If you want to laugh, laugh. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to shout in somebody's face, go ahead and shout in their face (assuming they deserve it and that the situation is appropriate, of course). Don't waste time worrying about what other people think about your emotions. If they're genuine, they'll respect you for them.^{[3]
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- Again, however, you'll want to be reasonable about just how extreme you are with the expression of your emotions. If you're frustrated during a math test, don't groan loudly and interrupt other students. If you're at a funeral, avoid breaking into fits of giggles, even if the joke you're thinking of is really funny. A healthy measure of common sense is key here — feisty people are open about their emotions, but they're not emotional wrecks.
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Be confident. The two pieces of advice above (to be open about what you think and feel) are easier said than done, especially if you're naturally shy. A big part of being feisty is having the confidence to be open about these things. Confidence allows you to be genuine without fear, to express yourself without reservation, and to care about what others think in a way that's not dependent on their approval for your satisfaction. As a great all-around social tool, confidence can also help your social interactions go smoothly in general, ensuring, for instance, that you're seen as feisty, rather than confrontational.
- Gaining confidence in certain social situations is something almost everyone struggles with. Countless books, articles, and other resources have been written on the subject. While gaining confidence is a process that's too long and detailed to discuss in-depth here, the basic idea is that you'll want to at first fake confidence by literally imitating confident behaviors (using eye contact, standing with good posture, and so on). Eventually, you'll be able to internalize this external confidence and begin to focus on your strengths, rather than your weaknesses, while simultaneously working to improve yourself. It's a vague process, but one that becomes easier with practice.
- For more information, check out our fantastic How to Be Confident article.
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Relish friendly arguments. There's no avoiding it — if you're confident and open about what you're thinking and feeling, eventually, you're going to run into someone who thinks or feels the opposite of what you do. Conflict is a natural part of being feisty, so don't run from it. Instead, embrace it. Feisty people enjoy the possibility of a spirited (but friendly) debate, so feel free to engage in a little good-natured sparring when the opportunity arises. Not only is this a chance to stretch your mental and verbal muscles, but also a chance to gain a new point of view, make a connection with another person, and even flirt, so long as you're open to these possibilities. As always, however, your "feistiness" is no excuse to be rude, so be conscientious of the other person's feelings as you argue.
- The tricky part of arguing as a feisty person is balancing your own genuine emotions with the needs of maintaining a civil argument. While you have no obligation to humor opinions that you find repugnant (like, for instance, racist or sexist prejudices), you should make a point to be polite about any sensible opinion your opponent might have. As a general rule, it's OK to attack someone's opinion, but not the person him or herself (e.g., favor phrases like "that won't work" over ones like "you're dumb for thinking that will work").
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Dress how you want to, not how other people want you to. As shallow as it sounds, the clothes we choose to wear are an important way of expressing ourselves. If you show up to a job interview wearing a business suit, you're presenting a much more professional image than if you show up in sweats and a t-shirt. While feisty people should still pay attention to social convention when it comes to dressing for important events like weddings, interviews, graduations, and so on, when there aren't obvious social expectations of what you should wear, it's up to you!
- Dress however you'd like — if you feel like wearing bright colors, wear bright colors. If you feel like wearing something dark and muted, wear that instead. Make your clothing an emblem of your inner personality — it's a somewhat shallow but admittedly noticeable way to express yourself to you everyone you meet!
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Be self-assured, but not arrogant.^{[4]
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Research source} All of the suggestions above have recommended that you should listen to your inner thoughts and feelings when it comes to expressing yourself, rather than others'. For feisty people, it's generally more important to be honest and open about yourself than to temper your opinions because another person may disagree with them. However, when doing this, it's crucial to maintain a positive and friendly attitude, or you risk coming across as arrogant or conceited. Worrying about what you expect from yourself more than what others expect from you is a great mindset to have, but the opinions of other people aren't entirely without merit, so don't outright ignore them! People who don't ever listen to others aren't feisty, they're just close-minded.
- Other people's input can help you see problems from a new perspective or even come to a new understanding of yourself. For instance, if you're having a friendly, feisty argument with a friend about what is and isn't appropriate dating behavior, if you listen to what he says (without letting him walk all over you), you may learn something that can win you more dates in the future. You also may not, but if you don't listen, you definitely won't.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Having a Playful Attitude

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Have a sense of mischief. As discussed above, feisty people are strong-willed and opinionated, but they're not blowhards. In fact, feisty people are usually a joy to be around because they simply love to have a great time! If you're looking to become feistier, start with your sense of mischief. Feisty people are constantly looking for a chance to get the better of others in good-natured, fun ways. Pranks and practical jokes are your bread and butter here, though you can also give the impression of being mischievous just by saying mischievous things. For starters, try any of the following:
- Purposely interpreting the things your friends say in the worst way possible (e.g., with jokes like "that's what she said" and so on).
- Leaving goofy messages on someone's computer after s/he leaves the room.
- Impersonating a telemarketer when a parent answers your call.
- Telling the people you meet at a party a name that isn't actually yours.
- More elaborate practical jokes a la those in How to Pull Harmless Pranks.
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See the humor in life.^{[5]
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Research source} Though feisty people enjoy the occasional argument, at their hearts, they're good-natured, happy people. Achieving this type of happy satisfaction is easiest if you have a strong sense of humor. If you're naturally somewhat serious or grim, this can be tricky, but it's not impossible. Memorizing a few canned jokes or funny stories can be good icebreakers, giving you an "in" to conversations so that you can let your guard down and begin enjoying yourself. Try to stay relaxed and open-minded during social encounters. Empathize with other people — realize that the vast majority are just like you. Most of all, practice by having light-hearted conversations with your friends and with people you've just met. A sense of humor is like a muscle: you have to use it to for it to become strong.
- It's hard to have a good sense of humor if you're stressed, tired, or distracted. This means that, to be as feisty as possible, you'll need to have a strong hold on other aspects of your life, like your career and family responsibilities. Ironically, the best way to have a good sense of humor is to be serious about ensuring that everything else in your life is going well so that you can relax and enjoy yourself.
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Tease! Feisty people have reputations as merciless teases, and with good reason. Light-hearted teasing is a great way to keep another person's ego in check while subtly building up your own. In other words, it's just plain fun! When you tease, however, it's important to keep your barbs mild and to stay away from personally sensitive topics to avoid hurting the recipient's feelings. It's also important to be ready to receive a little teasing of your own. Don't dish it out if you can't take it!
- One of the very feistiest ways to tease someone is to fire back with a perfect retort after s/he says something cheeky or unsuspecting. Doing this requires a quick wit and excellent comedic timing — it' not easy, but with practice, it is possible to get better at it. For more information, see How to Think of Quick Witted Comebacks
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Flirt! One of the biggest perks of being feisty is that it's free license to be a shameless flirt! Flirting should be a fun, exciting opportunity and the perfect opportunity to show off your feistiness, not something to be dreaded. Don't be shy — remember that feisty people don't keep their opinions to themselves.
- Like being confident, the specifics of flirting are so broad that there's not enough room to do them justice in this article. The basic idea is that you'll want to joke and lightly tease people you're attracted to, showing them special attention while simultaneously staying "hard to get". A sense of confidence is crucial for good flirting skills, though looks, intelligence, and a good personality are also big pluses.
- If you're looking for more guidance, you may also want to check out How to Flirt.
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Be sarcastic. Quick! Make a list of the feistiest people or characters you know. Now, how many of them have a sarcastic sense of humor? Odds are that most do! From Princess Leia to Danny DeVito to Hermione Granger, feisty people are known for their prodigious senses of sarcasm. Basically, sarcasm is saying the opposite of what you think in a humorous way that makes it obvious that you're joking. Sarcasm is a great tool for joking, teasing, and flirting and is a potent conversational weapon in the hands of a feisty individual.
- As an example of sarcasm, you might sarcastically say, "Gee, this chicken is just like grandma used to make" if you think it's not very good. You probably wouldn't just say, "This chicken is good" as a sarcastic joke, as there's not really any punchline here other than that you don't think it's good. Sarcasm needs humor to work well — sarcasm for sarcasm's sake can be dreadfully annoying.
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See interactions as an opportunity to have fun. More than anything else, feisty people view the possibility of interacting with another person as a way to enjoy themselves. Flirting, teasing, joking, and conversing are all great fun for the feisty man or woman, which makes performing these activities an entertaining end in and of themselves, rather than a means to something else. By enjoying the back and forth of a good conversation and pursuing exciting new interactions no matter where you are, you'll make new connections, find new friends, and quickly gain a reputation as a feisty go-getter.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being High-Energy

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Diet and exercise. Being feisty takes a lot of energy. Treating every conversation like an exciting new opportunity, constantly looking for ways to joke and tease, and going to great pains to ensure that everyone around you knows what you're thinking can be mentally and physically demanding. Because of this, it's easiest to be feisty if your body can keep up with the demands your new feisty personality is placing on it. Stay in shape by making an effort to get some form of exercise everyday and avoiding sugary and fatty foods. You don't have to be a bodybuilder to be feisty — you just have to be fit enough to have the energy to pounce on every opportunity to express yourself.
- For detailed fitness advice, check out our article selection on personal fitness.
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Get plenty of rest and down-time. Just as it's important to keep your body in good shape so that you have the energy to be as feisty as possible, it's also important to give yourself adequate rest so that, when you do run out of energy, you're able to replenish it. Everyone fatigues from social interactions at a different rate — some people can go from party to party without losing a beat, while others need to recuperate in solitude after a few hours out and about. Only you will know how much rest you need in order to be at your feistiest, so listen to your body. If you find yourself internally groaning at the thought of interacting with another human being, give yourself some alone time before venturing out.
- It's worth noting that rest is also very important on a basic physical level. Most medical resources recommend that adults should get roughly 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night. Failing to get enough sleep can lead to chronic fatigue, stress, and irritability, all of which can lead to you acting more grouchy than feisty.
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Pump yourself up when you're feeling low-energy. While taking care of the physical side of the equation by exercising, eating nutritiously, and getting adequate rest are great ways to ensure you have the energy to be feisty at all times, in truth, sometimes even the feistiest people have a hard time motivating themselves. If you feel like you don't have the energy to meet the world with the feisty personality you know you have within you, try using one of the following pump-up strategies:
- Listen to your favorite song. Bonus points if it's a motivational song along the lines of "Eye of the Tiger".
- Watch an inspirational or suspenseful movie scene. Good choices include Alec Baldwin's profanity-laden speech from Glengarry Glen Ross and the Mexican standoff at the conclusion of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
- Perform a short burst of intense physical activity, like jumping jacks or sprinting.
- Listen to your favorite comedian.
- Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while.
- Send a flirty text to your significant other.
- Watch a jump-scare video online to shock yourself awake.

Warnings

Be careful not to turn into one of those people who will threaten to punch people in the face for looking in their direction for 2 seconds. Failure to follow this tip will result in ISS or home suspension.

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Don't be too in-your-face

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Don't emotionally abuse people.

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Remember that you don't know everything. Being bold does not mean being arrogant and refusing to accept anyone else's opinion.

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