How to Be Desirable

Co-authored by Suzanna Mathews and Amber Crain

Last Updated: January 14, 2023 References

Everyone wants to be desirable! Whether you’re interested in attracting a romantic partner, making a new friend, or trying to nail a job interview, making yourself desirable is the key to success. Being desirable usually depends on two main factors: your physical appearance and your personality. If you want to feel more desirable, try making positive changes that affect the way you present yourself and interact with others.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Looking Desirable

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Put effort into basic grooming and your daily appearance. You don’t have to go all-out every day, but try to avoid leaving the house with wet hair, sweat pants, or mismatched socks! Take a few extra minutes to pick out a clean, unwrinkled shirt, style your hair, shave your face, apply natural-looking makeup, and anything else that makes you feel good about yourself.^{[1]
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- Potential romantic partners typically see taking pride in your appearance as an attractive quality.^{[2]
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- If you're heading to a job interview, style your hair neatly and wear unwrinkled, professional clothes so that you look put-together and responsible to your potential employer.
- If you're trying to make new friends, feeling well-groomed can give you a little boost of confidence.
2
Wear clothes that fit well and accentuate your best physical traits. Baggy clothes can look cool, but fitted clothes that show off your best features tend to get more attention and can also make you look more polished. That doesn't mean you have to wear tight jeans, short skirts, and low-cut tops every day, though! Instead, go with clothes that play up your best features.^{[3]
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- For example, if your deep blue eyes are your favorite physical trait, wear blue shirts and jackets that accentuate your eye color even more.
- If you’re proud of your toned arms, rock a tank top or fitted T-shirt to show them off!
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Choose clothing that reflects how you want to be desired. If you're looking for a new relationship and you want to appear desirable to potential dates, tailor your clothing choices to that specific scenario. If you're trying to nail an awesome new job or asking for a raise, wear something that makes sense for those expectations.^{[4]
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- For example, if you're looking for romance, you might wear something that shows off your body, like skinny jeans or a knit dress. Or you might wear a bright or eye-catching color, like red, to get noticed more quickly!
- If you're going to a job interview, you want to be desired for your professionalism and skills. You might wear a nice blazer, collared shirt, and dress pants.
- If you're trying to make a new friend, wear styles or brands you've seen them wear in the past. Having something in common can help you start a conversation or give you something to chat about!
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Maintain a cheerful expression and smile often to attract others. Humans are naturally drawn to positive vibes and there's no easier way to convey positivity than with a genuine smile and cheerful expression! Studies show that simply smiling in a genuine way can draw people to you like a magnet. The bigger the smile, the more attractive a person tends to look to others!^{[5]
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- If you want to look desirable in the dating world, skip the aloof act and try smiling directly at anyone who interests you.
- A genuine smile can communicate to an employer that you're positive and easy to work with, which are both highly desirable qualities in an employee!
- If you're meeting new people, a friendly smile will automatically cast a positive light on you and can break the ice before you introduce yourself.
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Exercise regularly to look and feel great about yourself. Exercising is great for your physical health, but it can also boost your confidence in a major way. If you feel good about your physical fitness, you will carry yourself in a more confident way, have more energy, and put more thought into your overall appearance.^{[6]
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- There is no physical ideal you need to aspire to! A healthy look is attractive to most people.^{[7]
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- Most romance seekers are looking for a mate who is comfortable in their own skin. Feeling physically fit can definitely help you feel confident about your body and the way you look.
- Being in good shape communicates to others that you care about your own health. It increases energy and alertness, which is great if you're trying to impress a potential employer.
- If you believe you have any visual shortcomings, try to really show all the other awesome and amazing characteristics that you bring to the table!
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Maintain good posture to look your best in any situation. Standing up straight with your shoulders back projects two highly desirable traits: confidence and good physical health. Don't slump your back or shoulders while you’re standing or sitting. Stand tall, angle your chin up, and avoid dropping your chin to your chest.^{[8]
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- Looking confident will impress potential romantic partners, friends, and employers alike.
- Consider consulting a physical therapist if you find it hard to change your posture on your own.

Method 2

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Attracting Others with Your Personality

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Act confident whether you feel that way or not. Stand up straight, look people in the eye when you talk to them, and don't be afraid to start conversations! Even if you don’t feel all that confident on the inside, do your best to project confidence and other people will perceive you that way. Try to avoid being self-deprecating when you’re chatting with others.^{[9]
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- You might walk up to a cute guy, smile, and say, “Hi! So you caught my eye from across the room and I couldn’t help but come over and introduce myself.”
- If you're trying to make a new friend, you could say, "I just had to walk over and tell you how awesome your outfit looks. I'm really into fashion and your look is so stylish! Who's your favorite designer?"
- Keep in mind there's a fine line between appearing confident and seeming arrogant. Try to avoid bragging and over-exaggerating your importance.
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Ask questions and become a great conversationalist. People love to engage, and asking someone thoughtful questions about their life and opinions tends to impress them. It can also make you seem more interesting and pleasant to be around! Stick with open-ended questions and stay away from simple "yes" or "no" inquiries. Keep the conversation light and avoid prying or overly personal questions.^{[10]
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- If you're chatting with someone you're interested in dating, you might ask them questions like, "What was it like growing up in such a big city?" or "What are your favorite things to do during the weekend?" Use their answers to keep the conversation going!
- If you're at a job interview, be sure to ask questions that are work-related to show how interested you are in the job. For example, you might ask, "What is the company culture like here?" or "What tasks would I be responsible for each day?"
- If you're asked serious questions at a job interview, reply in a tone that matches the questions. You don't want to seem flippant about important questions or serious topics.
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Be passionate about something to show your depth. Employers, family members, friends, and partners appreciate someone who has interests and life goals. Whether it’s work, volunteering, a hobby, or sports, being passionate about something in your life will set you apart from others.^{[11]
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- For example, having unique skills can make you seem more interesting to potential romantic partners. You might take a cooking class, learn web design, or get into rock climbing!
- If you want to look desirable on your resume, apply for internships that allow you to learn crucial job skills like communication, punctuality, and time management. Skills like these are highly sought after by employers.^{[12]
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Work on projecting a positive vibe. A positive attitude tends to attract all sorts of people, including friends, employers, and potential partners. Try to see the positive side of things in all situations. Avoid deeply negative conversation topics and try to keep things light in most situations.^{[13]
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- Don't gossip or talk badly about others, which can come off as quite unattractive.
- If you're chatting with a cute guy, don't bring up something depressing you read in the news earlier. Talk about something interesting that you learned recently or tell a funny story.
- Avoid bringing up controversial topics like religion and politics in a job interview or work setting. You should also change your tone to match the seriousness of questions you're asked at a job interview, but maintain a positive attitude during the conversation.
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Treat others with kindness to show your empathetic side. Empathy is a highly desirable trait! Treat everyone you meet as an equal. If you see someone struggling and you’re in a position to help them out, do it! Be willing to truly listen to people when they talk to you about their problems, and offer your support any way you can.^{[14]
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- For example, if you see the new girl at school struggling to find her classes, offer to help her out and show her around. You just might make a new friend!
- If your crush seems upset and it's appropriate for you to do so, consider pulling him off to the side and asking him if he's okay. If he replies with "I'm fine," you can just say, "Okay, you just seem a little upset. I'm available if you ever need someone to talk to."

Community Q&A

Question

I'm worried I'll be too fat to be desirable. How could I change that?

Community Answer

There's no such thing as "too fat." Be proud of who you are, and I guarantee someone will recognize you for the great person you are and appreciate it. If you want to lose weight, a simple diet and exercise plan is all you need, but the most important thing is to love yourself.
Question

I don't know about the "act confident even if you don't feel like it part". Faking confidence raises stress for me. Shouldn't I be honest if I wasn't confident? Or work around it with humour?

Alex Teece

Community Answer

Think of confidence as a perspective rather than a defined state. Everyone will have their own view on confidence and even though it will be similar to somebody else's, it is experiential. Instead of worrying about "faking confidence", try thinking about what confidence means to you. Ask yourself how a confident person should act and feel and how does it differ from your own actions and feelings. Maybe you could look at someone who you believe to be confident and see how confidence manifests itself. Focus on what being confident should achieve for you and ask yourself if you can achieve it through actions rather than through a subjective state.