How to Attract Girls Without Talking to Them

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: July 16, 2021 References

Finding the most beautiful and poetic phrases to spike your crush's interest isn't the easiest of tasks. But hey, we can't all be Shakespeare. And interestingly enough, most attraction between two people happens way before a single word is spoken. That's right. There are a myriad of ways to get the girl of your dreams to notice you without having to talk to her at all (well, at least at first). Check out this article to learn non-verbal tricks to attract any girl that strikes your fancy.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Projecting the Right Look

1
Build a wardrobe of great basics. Remember: attraction isn't a conscious decision, but it can be triggered by the right visual cues. Paying attention to certain aspects of your wardrobe can go a long way when you're trying to catch a girl's attention. Keep the following things in mind^{[1]
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- Focus on getting nice shirts and T-Shirts in preferably neutral colors (black, white, navy) without patterns.
- If it's sweater season, get some nice crew or V-neck ones in neutral colors such as navy, white, or black.
- Keep a nicer pair of shoes for special occasions, and more a casual sporty type for everyday use.
- Update your look with cool jeans in darker washes. Those are so versatile that they can even be worn on dates.
2
Pay attention to how your clothes fit. This is crucial; even if you followed all of the steps above, if your clothes are too baggy or ill-fitting you might go un-noticed. So make sure to enlist the help of a friend, or a sales associate, to help you get a second opinion on what looks best for your body-type^{[3]
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- Dress shirts. When you turn your head, the collar shouldn't turn with it. If it does, it means the shirt is too tight. The seam of your shirt should hit you right at the shoulder bone. Remember: you don't want the shirt to fit so tightly that you can see every detail of your upper body, but you also shouldn't swim in it.
- T-shirts. Here, too, the seam of your T-shirt should sit at your shoulder bone. Depending on your body type, you might go for a slim fit or regular fit.
- Pants. You don't have to opt for a slim fit, but avoid pants with pleats. They are a bit outdated and give the appearance of extra pounds on your stomach.
- Jeans. In general, stick to straight of slim fit jeans (even if you're hesitant at first) and avoid boot cut jeans.
- Visit a few stores. If you're not already pretty comfortable with fashion, going to a few clothing stores can go a long way. You'll be able to get a feel for those trends you like and for those you don't.
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3
Wear clothes that reflect your personality. Making an effort to show you understand trends can leave a lasting impact. After all, many women do like fashion! At the same time, you should avoid piling on every fashion trend you see. Just make sure that however you update your wardrobe you still feel like it's you. Note: a gradual transition might work best for most ^{[4]
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- Take a look at your current wardrobe and pick one or two aspects you feel comfortable changing right away.
- Incorporate something that is very you. Are you a big 49ers fan? Adding some of their color-scheme to your wardrobe might make you feel more comfortable with the transition (yes, even if those colors aren't neutral).
4
Start your transition. It can be quite unsettling, and even difficult, to change the way you've been dressing because it might have become part of your personality. Just remember, change can be exhilarating, too!
- Just do it. Sometimes, overanalyzing our style and wardrobe can delay our progress. Instead, make a timeline for the various steps involved in the transformation.
- Commit to changing your style. Verbalizing your decision to others can have a powerful impact on yourself and can drive you forward.
- Get rid of any obstacles to your wardrobe change. Just laying out your clothes the night before eliminates excuses the next morning, e.g. I had no time to coordinate my look.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Defining Your Body Language

1
Be aware of how you move around. Here's the deal: the way you move your body says a lot about how secure or insecure you are. Simply being aware of this can make your movements more appealing to a girl^{[5]
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- Walk slower than you normally would, and keep your movements controlled. Such actions indicate that you're comfortable with the world and yourself.
- Take up some space. Lean back and stretch out your legs. Think of it as marking your territory.
- Be aware of your tonality. Though it's technically speaking, it's a huge part of body language. Slow down your talking speed, and maintain steady volume.
2
Don't be afraid to be touchy. Slow down: we don't mean that you should be inappropriate. But not being afraid to express emotions physically can signal warmth and comfort. After all, attraction is an emotional response.^{[6]
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Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Patting a pal on their back.
- Hugging or shaking their hand to greet them.
- Patting their arm after telling a joke^{[7]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Gently grabbing their hand^{[8]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Don't be afraid to stand a little closer to other people than you normally would.
3
Be mindful of your body's posture. Nothing suggests insecurity more than slouchy shoulders and an inclined head. Think about doing the following actions to adjust your posture^{[9]
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- While sitting, pull your chest forward, and roll your shoulders back. Keep your head high.
- Walk with your back straight, and your head up. Take measured steps, and roll your shoulders back.
4
Make eye contact. Don't be afraid to look around the room. You might catch her eye, in which case holding her glance for a second longer can establish a connection.^{[10]
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Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Keep your gaze on the horizon while walking. Doing so makes you appear more approachable and sociable.
- Don't be afraid to be expressive through your eyes. Widening them in surprise, or narrowing them when you're skeptical, shows that you're engaged and paying attention.
- Smile genuinely.^{[12]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.} If you're feeling extra confident, you could try a cocky smile.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Focusing Your Attention

1
Look rested and put-together. If you're tired or had long night, it will show the next day. Take pre-cautions to always look fresh and rested, and make sure you look, well, clean ^{[13]
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- Be sure your eyes are clear and white. Use eyedrops to get rid of the redness. Your eyes will look more awake and clear within seconds.
- Take care of your finger nails. Keep them short and clean.
- If your hair is buzzed, you might not have to do anything. But if it's longer, make sure it looks styled and clean.
- Take care not to go overboard with cologne. Some women might not like cologne at all, or they could be very sensitive to strong scents.
- Try to keep your arms relaxed and uncrossed so you look more open and friendly.^{[14]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
2
Be aware of your environment. Different locations will require different attire. Especially if you've got your eye on someone. How you dress when you're going to a club should be very different than if you're going to the library^{[15]
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- If you're going to a club, stand out by dressing in a more casual way. Every other guy there will probably be very dressed up. If you're not, you'll automatically project ease.
  - Note: we're not suggesting you wear your ratty gym shorts. Think a cool pair of jeans and a nice T-Shirt.
- If you're going the library, chances are every guy there will be in their ratty gym shorts. This is a great opportunity to go in looking put together.
3
Have a task at hand. Showing that you're a focused guy can be a very attractive trait as it signals commitment. Plus, it gives her the opportunity to observe your mannerisms from a safe distance ^{[16]
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- If you're in the right environment, and you play an instrument, do it! What girl doesn't love a musician.
- Going to a coffee shop? Bring a nice briefcase with your laptop in it, and dress business casual. Signaling that you're there to get work done can come across as determined and focused.
4
Pay attention to the people around you. Whatever environment you're in, if you're talking to people make sure you're active in the interaction. It's not just polite to them, but will also signal that you're capable of paying attention to the people in your life^{[17]
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- Use head-nodding to confirm you're hearing what the people in your group are saying.
- Periodically shift your center of focus by looking around to the other people in the group.
- Don't take out your phone while someone is speaking. This signals disinterest and rudeness.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you get a girl to like you through body language?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try mirroring her body language, or doing exactly what she's doing. For example, leaning back while she leans back is a great way to show that you're listening.
Question

What can make a guy stand out from the rest?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Appearance and style can be big factors. Try to stay well-groomed and pick out stylish clothes before you head out. Even an Apple watch or a cool bracelet with a good-fitting T-shirt and some good-fitting jeans can make you look fashionable!
Question

How can I attract a girl with my body?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The number one thing is to make eye contact and to have an open body language. You can also try using physical touches during your interactions, like grabbing her hand or patting her arm when you get to the punch line of a joke.