How to Ask a Guy Out over Text Long Distance

Co-authored by Shana Tibi and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: October 28, 2021 References

It can be tough when you like a guy that lives far away. You don’t get to bump into him in the halls at school or grab coffee together after work, and you miss him! You can’t help who you like, and if you’re falling for someone who lives out of state, all hope is not lost. New long-distance relationships start every day, and many turn into successful, long-term partnerships. The first step in having a flourishing long-distance romance is telling the guy how you feel and asking him out on a date. You can’t tell him in person, but you can text him how you feel. Read on for tips on how to ask a guy out over text.

1

Ask him to meet for a date in person.

Maybe he only lives a few hours away or travels to your city frequently. Let him know that next time he visits, you’d love to go on a date.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} It’s nerve-wracking to ask a guy out and risk being rejected, but you’ll never know until you try! Putting yourself out there is a huge part of dating, and if you really like the guy, it’s worth the risk.^{[2]
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- You can say, “I know the drive is a little far, but I’d love to see you in person. Would you ever want to go out together next time you’re in town?”

2

Try a coffee date for something more casual.

This is a good way to ease into getting to know each other. Pick your favorite coffee shop in the area or one that provides a nice ambiance. You want a space that allows you a little bit of privacy, so think of a space that's not too crowded or loud.^{[3]
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- Try something like, "Next time you're in town, would you want to get coffee together?"

3

See if he wants to go on a virtual dinner date.

Maybe he can't meet with you in person just yet. You can still ask him out! Ask him if he wants to cook separate dinners and eat them together over FaceTime or Skype.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} If cooking isn't your thing, you can always suggest getting takeout from the same type of restaurant instead. It'll feel like you're having a shared experience even when thousands of miles apart.^{[5]
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- Say something like, "I know we can't go to a restaurant together just yet, but would you want to have a virtual dinner with me sometime? We can even get takeout!"
- You could also try a funny approach, like "The good thing about being apart is that you don't have to pretend to like my cooking just yet. Would you want to cook our own dinners and eat together over FaceTime?
- Make things extra special by dressing up as you would for an in-person date.

4

Try an in-person dinner date for a romantic option.

If you really like this guy, a classic dinner date can be a great choice. It's a perfect opportunity to get to know someone, as you can talk the whole meal! You can also pick how fancy you want the date to be. If you want to impress the guy with something classic, pick a well-reviewed restaurant with a nice ambiance. You can also try something a little more casual, like dinner at an outdoor patio or food truck.^{[6]
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- Try a simple, "Would you want to get dinner with me next time you're in town?"

5

Go to a museum for something fun and unexpected.

This is a great spot to facilitate conversation. Choose something relevant to both of your interests if you can. If you're both really interested in history, invite him to check out the natural history museum in your area. You'll be able to talk about the exhibits during any lulls in the conversation, and it'll be a good opportunity to show him the area if he lives out of town.^{[7]
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- Say something like, "I've been meaning to check out the art museum here for ages! Would you want to go with me next time you visit?"
- Try walking around a rose garden or historic monument in your area. Just make sure it's a public, populated place for your first date!

6

Ask him out on a virtual movie date.

Lots of streaming platforms offer ways to watch movies virtually. Pick a new movie that just came out, and ask if he wants to watch it with you. Make things extra fun by suggesting you both make popcorn and pick out your favorite candy to mimic the movie theater experience. Watching a movie is a fun way to get to know someone because you can bond over the shared experience and talk about what you thought of it after it's over.^{[8]
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- You could also try something like, “I think I just rented the worst B movie ever. Would you want to watch it with me over FaceTime and make fun of it?

7

Include an emoji or two in your message.

This is a fun way to make your texts a little more flirty. Add a smiley face emoji, a red heart, or even a heart eyes emoji if you're feeling extra bold. These can also be a great way to clarify your message if it's a little ambiguous.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} If you're asking him to a museum and want him to know it's a date, you can text something like, "I think it'd be fun to be a tourist with you for a day" and add a blushing smiley face emoji.^{[10]
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- Try not to overdo it with the emojis. One or two every so often is plenty! You want your words to do most of the talking.

8

Send a funny video when you ask to break the ice.

Using your sense of humor can make you both feel more comfortable. Try sending a funny YouTube video or TikTok that you think your crush would get a kick out of to accompany your request. Adding a dose of humor to your request shows him that you're confident and not taking things too seriously. This helps you both relax, and he'll most likely want to spend time with someone as fun and carefree as you!^{[11]
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- Try picking something relevant to the date, like a hilarious clip from the movie you want to watch with him.

9

Be direct to make sure he knows it’s a date.

Use specific language and avoid phrases like “hang out” or “meet up.” This could make the guy feel confused about whether you want to go on a date or just casually spend time together as friends. If you really like him, it’s best to be blunt and ask for what you want.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.}
- Try something like, “Would you want to go out next time you’re in town?”
- Pick a specific date and time for the date so there's no confusion. For example: “Are you free this Friday? I’d love to cook dinner together over Facetime if you’re free.”^{[13]
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10

Verify his identity if you've never met him.

Sometimes people make fake online dating profiles. If you met on a dating app or website, check his profile for a few key signs. Notice if they have only one picture, no information in their bio, or don’t link to other social media accounts. Just because he doesn’t link to his Instagram on Tinder doesn’t mean he’s lying about who he is, but if things seem too good to be true (or his only profile picture looks like a stock photo of a male model), ask him out on a virtual date first before meeting him in person.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.}
- Virtual dates are a great way to safely get to know someone if you’ve never met them in person. If their profile seems fake and they also don’t want to meet virtually, that’s a sign that something isn’t right.

11

Take safety precautions if you meet in person.

Meet in a public place, like a coffee shop or a restaurant. It’s safer to meet someone for the first time when there are other people around. Tell a friend where you’re going and how long you’ll be there. Make sure you don’t rely on him for transportation, too. Drive yourself, have a friend give you a ride, or take the bus to meet him.^{[15]
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Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
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- Meeting in a public place also makes things a little less awkward since you'll have distractions like people-watching, drinks and food, and background noise like music to keep the conversation going.
- If something feels off, trust your intuition! There’s nothing wrong with politely declining a second date, or even excusing yourself to leave if he makes you really uncomfortable.^{[16]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
  Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
  Go to source}

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you set a long distance date?

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Shana Tibi is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Date and Relationship Coach, and the Founder of Curated Connections, a matchmaking service for single professionals. Shana specializes in understanding core values and personal preferences to curate dates. She holds a BA in Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution from Prescott College and an MSW in Social Work from California State University, Hayward. She is an active member of the Global Love Institute where she earned her matchmaking certifications.

Shana Tibi

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Try to figure out something that would work for both of your schedules. For example, someone who's divorced with children might have a little less free time, while two people without children may have more wiggle room in their schedule.