How to Ask Someone to Be Your Bridesmaid

Co-authored by Minoti Mehta

Last Updated: November 17, 2021 References

Choosing a bridesmaid is an important part of your wedding planning process. You may not want to just ask them in person, but ask them in a fun, creative way. You can ask someone to be your bridesmaid in any creative way you can think of. To ask someone, start by carefully choosing your bridesmaids, make a crafty gift popping the question, or hold a special get together to ask everyone at once.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Choosing Your Bridesmaid

1
Make a list of possible choices. Before you go and ask the first people who pop into your head, take your time to think about who you want to ask. Talk to your fiance about your choices. Think about where the wedding will be held and if everyone can attend, especially if it’s a destination wedding. Then, make a list of people you would like to ask. Figure out if each person will fit well into your wedding.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Talk to your fiance about how many people will be in their wedding party. Then decide if you want the number to match.
2
Avoid the obligation trap. Some people feel obligated to ask certain people for many reasons when they get married. This can cause stress for the bride, groom, and wedding party. Don’t feel like you have to ask anyone. It is your wedding, after all.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- For example, you don’t have to ask someone whose wedding you were in years ago. You don’t have to ask people’s siblings or old college roommates. Ask people you truly want to be your bridesmaid.
Advertisement
3
Break with gender stereotypes. Just because you are a bride doesn’t mean your bridal party has to be all women. If you are closer to the men in your life, have bridesmen instead of bridesmaids. This is your wedding, so you want to make your bridal party how you want it.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you want your brother in your bridal party, or your best friend is a man, ask them.
- Don’t worry about matching the same number of men and women in the bridal and groom parties. Have the people you truly care about with you at the alter regardless of whether anything follows traditional rules.
4
Ask friends you can trust. Being a bridesmaid is a big responsibility, and they will need to be there for you when things get stressful. Choose friends who have stuck by you for a long time, who have always been loyal, or who you know you can trust.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Be wary with newer friends, especially if you haven’t been friends for very long. You may not know if you can trust them yet.
5
Ask people who support your marriage. Though you may be close with someone, if they don’t like your fiance or support your marriage, don’t ask them to be in your bridal party. Instead, ask friends who will support you and be happy for you on your big day.^{[5]
X
Research source}
6
Refrain from being upset if someone says no. Some people may not have the time or money to be a bridesmaid, or they may not want that much attention. Whatever the reason, don’t get upset if someone declines to be in your wedding.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If someone declines, you can say, "I completely understand. Thank you for letting me know! I hope you will still come to the wedding!"

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Crafts to Ask Your Bridesmaids

1
Create a crafty way to ask. There are many ways to ask someone to be your bridesmaid. If you are good at making crafts, or just want to create a special, unique way to ask your bridesmaids, try creating an artistic proposal.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- For example, you can place your question or phrase in a fortune cookie. Decorate the fortune cookie with white chocolate and metallic sprinkles.
- Take bottles of wine, champagne, or sparkling cider and attach labels asking if they would be your bridesmaid. You may also place labels on candles in the colors of your wedding or in scents that remind you of the bridesmaid.
2
Send them a beautiful card. You may want to surprise your future bridesmaids with a card in their mailbox or sent to their work. The outside of the card can ask the question, while the inside can contain a personalized note from you.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- You can choose to make your own cards from cardstock. You can print designs from a computer program, or you can decorate the card by hand with ribbon, glitter, flower petals, or other decorations.
- Some companies sell cards specifically geared towards asking someone to be your bridesmaid.
3
Create a scrapbook. Put together a scrapbook of photos featuring fun times you have had with your potential bridesmaids during your friendship. If you don’t want to do a whole scrapbook, just do a photo album. On the last page, you can ask the question.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- If you have mementos, you can add copies to each scrapbook. This might include movie or concert tickets, receipts, or notes.
4
Make them picture frames. Go to a craft store and buy frames for each bridesmaid. Decorate the frame with their name. You can also draw something on the frame if you are artistic, paint something using a stencil, or add decorative accents. Along the top, write “BRIDESMAID.”^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Don’t forget to add the picture on the inside.
5
Buy them jewelry. Jewelry is never a bad way to ask someone to be your bridesmaid. You can buy them rings, bracelets, or necklaces that feature bows since you are tying the knot. If you already know the theme for your wedding, you can choose jewelry in the design of your wedding theme.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Many online sellers sell bridesmaid-themed jewelry on sites like Etsy.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Finding Ways to Ask in Person

1
Organize a special day. Instead of giving your potential bridesmaids a material gift, take them some place nice and ask them there. You can plan a special themed surprise or gift, or just use the opportunity of having everyone together to ask.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could go for a spa day and treat everyone to a special gift, like a pedicure, and ask them then. You might give them all matching robes that say “bridesmaid” on them.
2
Treat everyone to a meal. Invite all your bridesmaids to get together for brunch, lunch, or dinner, your treat. While everyone is together, you can ask them to be your bridesmaid.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Consider place cards that say “bridesmaid” on them that you can sit at each person’s seat before you arrive.
3
Have a coffee, tea, or ice cream party. Invite everyone to your home for a fun party. Depending on your tastes, you can have a coffee bar, a tea party, or an ice cream sundae bar. Let everyone make their own tasty treats and eat specially made desserts before you ask them.^{[14]
X
Research source}
4
Decorate cookies or cupcakes. If you like to cook, you may want to ask your potential bridesmaids with food. Throw an engagement party or just invite them over, and prepare a cookie or cupcake for each woman.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- You can decorate the cookies with the word “BRIDESMAID” or the question.
- Consider putting flags in the cupcakes that say “BRIDESMAID” or asking the question.
5
Ask them individually. If you want to keep it simple, consider asking the lucky lady in person. You can invite them to your home, visit them, or meet for dinner or coffee. Catch up and enjoy spending time with each other before you ask.
- Keep it simple by saying something like, “I have something very important to ask you. Would you like to be my bridesmaid?”

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I ask someone to be my bridesmaid in a creative way?

Minoti Mehta
Event & Wedding Planner
Minoti Mehta is the Founder of Vermilion Weddings & Events, an event and wedding planning business based in San Francisco, California. Minoti grew up in the event and wedding planning space and has over five years of event planning experience. She has been invited to participate as a Delegate at five exclusive Event Planner Conferences including Destination Wedding Planners Congress and Planners Xtraordinaire and has become known as one of the Top Wedding and Event Planners in the San Francisco Bay Area. Minoti's work has been featured on NDTV India, Love Stories TV, Maharani Weddings, and WedWise India. Vermilion Weddings & Events was also awarded WeddingWire's Couple's Choice Award in 2018. Minoti has a BS in Hospitality Management and Accounting from the University of San Francisco.

Minoti Mehta

Event & Wedding Planner

Expert Answer

There are so many fun ways that you can ask your friends to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. Typically, they're done as a reveal box, so you're basically proposing to your bridesmaids. For instance, you might include luxurious self-care items like a nice robe, candles, champagne, and eye masks.
Question

I want to ask my BFF to be my bridesmaid, but the person I'm marrying is her ex. She told me I could date him, but I don't want to make things awkward for her. Any advice?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

You didn't need her permission to date him, nor do you need her permission to marry him. If she wanted him, she should not have made him her ex. So that's in the past, leave it there. Besides, your fiancee has made his choice as well. Of course you should ask her, but discuss it with her, see how she feels. Defuse any awkwardness beforehand.