Am I Dating a Narcissist?

Take this quiz to find out!

Maybe your partner uses you as the punchline for too many of their jokes, or they’re never willing to accept responsibility when things go wrong. You can’t shake this nagging feeling that something is seriously off in your relationship—could a narcissistic partner be the culprit?

While only a mental health professional can officially diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), there are plenty of red flags you can be on the lookout for in your own partner. Take this quiz to get a better idea of where you stand—and how you can put yourself first in a potentially unhealthy relationship.

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Questions Overview

1. How did they act when you first started dating?
  1. Super lovey-dovey. They thought our relationship was written in the stars!
  2. Extra charming. They really knew how to lay it on.
  3. A little flirtatious. Nothing too overkill, though!
  4. Friendly and respectful. They had a healthy sense of boundaries.
2. What are you both likely to chat about over dinner?
  1. Both? That’s funny—they’re usually dominating the conversation.
  2. They might ask about my day only to change the subject and talk about theirs.
  3. They’ll talk about their day, but we’ll also take time to talk about mine.
  4. Anything and everything! They usually let me start the conversation.
3. With 1 being “not very” and 10 being “extremely,” how reliable are they?
  1. 1-2. It feels like they’re constantly canceling our dates and hangouts.
  2. 3-5. It’s pretty much a 50/50 if they’ll follow through or not.
  3. 6-8. They’re reliable when it counts.
  4. 9-10. If they make a promise, they’ll always follow through.
4. You forget to reply to their text for a couple of hours. How do they respond?
  1. They’re pretty annoyed. I can expect a slew of follow-up texts on my phone.
  2. They might send 1-2 texts to see what’s taking so long.
  3. They’re pretty chill and probably won’t double-text.
  4. They don’t care. If it’s really urgent, they’ll just call me.
5. They ask you for a favor that you aren’t super comfortable with. How do they respond when you refuse?
  1. They throw a tantrum. It’s like I’m dealing with a 5-year-old!
  2. They get a little guilt-trippy in hopes that they’ll change my mind.
  3. They’re a little disappointed, but they respect my decision.
  4. They accept my decision with no questions asked.
6. You’re at a nice restaurant and getting ready to order. How do they treat the wait staff?
  1. Pretty rude—nothing the waiter does seems to be good enough.
  2. Not great. They’re nit-picky about the food and seating.
  3. All right. They aren’t overly nice, but they aren’t rude.
  4. Great! They’re really friendly with the waiter and leave a good tip.
7. How do they speak about the people around them?
  1. Terribly. They talk crap about pretty much everyone around them.
  2. Not great. They’re pretty critical of their friends, co-workers, and acquaintances.
  3. Mostly respectfully. They gossip on occasion, but it’s not the norm.
  4. Very respectfully. They don’t have a bad word to say about anyone.
8. How many friends do they have?
  1. Practically none. They burn bridges really easily.
  2. Only a couple. They don’t hang onto friends for a long time.
  3. A good amount. They have a close circle of friends that they can rely on.
  4. So many! They’re friends (or at least friendly) with almost everyone.
9. Describe your partner in two words.
  1. Arrogant and proud.
  2. Overconfident and self-assured.
  3. Coolheaded and indifferent.
  4. Respectful and humble.
10. You just had a rough day. How do they respond?
  1. “If you think that’s bad, wait until you hear about my day.”
  2. “Oh, that’s too bad. Anyway, guess what happened to me today…”
  3. “Dang, that’s really rough. I’m sorry to hear that happened.”
  4. “Oh no! That sounds so frustrating. Do you want to talk about it?”
11. Someone forgot to take the trash out. What’s their response?
  1. “Not my fault—you were supposed to take it out.”
  2. “You said that you were going to take the trash out.”
  3. “Was it your turn to take out the trash, or mine?”
  4. “Whoops! I totally forgot about the trash. That’s on me!”
12. Are they committed to your relationship?
  1. It doesn’t feel like it. They always seem to be “window shopping” for a new partner.
  2. Not always. They’re hesitant to put a label on our relationship.
  3. I think so! I don’t know what their thoughts on a long-term relationship are, though.
  4. Absolutely! They’re in it for the long haul.

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All About Narcissism and NPD

You’ve probably heard the word “narcissist” used to describe a person who’s a bit arrogant or full of themselves (like someone who takes a lot of selfies or spends most of their time glued to social media). This isn’t actually the true definition, though—the “narcissist” label only applies to individuals diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

What is NPD?

NPD is a personality disorder officially recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a medical text published by the American Psychiatric Association. According to psychiatric professionals, NPD has 9 qualifying criteria—a person needs to meet at least 5 of the following to be diagnosed.

  • They have an inflated sense of self-importance
  • They’re constantly captivated by fantasies of limitless power, beauty, success, or the perfect type of love.
  • They view themselves as unique and special. Only people who share their “uniqueness” and “specialness” are worthy of their time.
  • They need lots of praise and admiration.
  • They feel like they deserve special treatment from other people.
  • They’re fine with using and manipulating other people for their own purposes.
  • They have no empathy and can’t relate to others.
  • They often feel envious of other people or suspect that other people are envious towards them.
  • They carry themselves with an arrogant attitude or haughty type of behavior.

Important Facts about NPD

  • Only a professional psychiatrist can officially diagnose someone with NPD. Mental illnesses (like personality disorders) are extremely nuanced and often overlap with other diagnoses, so it’s never a good idea to “officially” label your partner.
  • People with NPD aren’t automatically abusers. While people with NPD can definitely be physically and emotionally abusive, this abuse doesn’t stem from their mental illness. Abuse comes from a sense of entitlement and a desire for power and control—it isn’t caused by a specific diagnosis.
  • NPD can be addressed with long-term treatment, including counseling and medication. Over time, individuals with NPD can gradually learn how to view themselves in a more positive light and build healthier connections with the people in their life.
  • Many times someone with NPD won’t know they have NPD nor be willing to go to counseling because they don’t feel they have an issue. If this is the case, you yourself can continue to get treatment and learn how to set your own boundaries to stay safe.

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Any medically related content, whether User Content or otherwise found on the Service, is not intended to be medical advice or instructions for medical diagnosis or treatment, and no physician-patient or psychotherapist-patient relationship is, or is intended to be, created.

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